A to Z Blogging Challenge K is for ......

K is for Knackered!

Since having children - that is how I feel permanently!

For the first year of Little Man, I didn't, I mean we both experienced the new parent knackeredness, but once he started sleeping through which was by 3 months, that past. At a year old though sleep became a rare commodity in our household, with Little Man deciding it was something only the weak needed and was clearly over-rated.

I often woke up propped against the doorframe of his room, cold and stiff, I remember calculating my total number of hours sleep - all be it broken when getting up for work, and actually thinking, that’s a good night, I've had over 2 hours. Husband sleeps very heavily and use to get cross I never woke him but I knew I could get up, settle him and then be back in bed before husband would have even woken up sufficiently.

Little Man didn’t go back to sleep and I was advised that I should keep telling him I would check on him even at a year old and it was important I did those checks, but each time stretch the checking period by an extra minute. So I would settle him, get back into bed, then wake to my alarm 10 minutes later to do that check, next time I would set it for 11 minutes etc. I kept a sleep diary and some nights he would be up over 30 times. I refused to give in and take him in with us.

We tread a sedative from the consultant but Little Man had one of the rare reactions where it sends them more hyper and he over-rode it, we tried camomile tea, we tried baths, we tried strict routines, we tried ignoring, we tried controlled crying, we tried EVERYTHING!

Mini Man came along when he was 3 and Mini Man had a heart condition, was in heart failure for the first 14 months and deemed failure to thrive which required him to be fed on a 2 hourly basis so between the 2 of them I almost decided sleep was a no go. I use to sleep in my car at lunchtime when at work, and sometimes had to tell people I was going to find various people round the building but instead locked myself in the changing rooms and had 15 minute powernaps.

Redbull and coffee became my best friends!

Little Man still doesn’t sleep well but at 9 is happy enough to lie and look at his books or play with Lego and rarely disturbs us.

I work for myself though and plan my hours round the boys which often involves me getting up about 5 or 5.30 to get a couple of hours in before the house wakes.

I panic my tiredness is due to an illness (yes I have a major anxiety of dying from cancer). In reality I think it is more likely the fact, I don’t go to bed until 11.30pm or even midnight and then only get 5 hours or so.