Frustration

I have been very frustrated the last 2 days, the idea was I would work mornings and spend every afternoon with the  boys, I was determined this summer I would be gathering them together at 4pm and dashing out for an hour or 2 in order to feel like I had still done something with them.

Monday these plans fell through as I had a massive last minute bit of work come in Friday 2ndm which was very lucrative, means if I get nothing else for the rest of August all will be OK and could lead to more work. As a result I ended up working all day and doing the 4pm thing.

Tuesday worked out fine and we went to the cinema in the morning and had a lovely lunch and walk together.

Wednesday was a nightmare Boy1 at 9 is happy to play with his Lego, he tries it on with having game time but knows when I mean no. Boy 2 though at 6 would not leave me alone. I run a time tracking programme for when I am working so when I invoice different companies I can give them proper hours and a copy of time spent on their projects. I ran a report yesterday and I only achieved 2.5 hours work all day. I tried walking away, going for a bike ride with the kids and coming back to it but Boy2 was at my side 'I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored, can we paint my plane?, can we build a space station? can we bake?' All I end up doing is getting stressed and doing these things to appease him.

I am desperate for them to play out more but they bore of each others company in the garden I think, so that only lasts 10 minutes or so. I keep trying to encourage them to play on the drive and in the front garden as other kids tend to be attracted and we have other kids on the road, but they stray onto next doors drive (it is shared and she gets funny about it, he doesn't seem to mind, but she does), plus we live on quite a busy side road, people use it as a cut through and although we have wide pavements and verges I don't want Boy 2 straying too far.

Today my Dad bless him had them for the afternoon.

The house though is a pig sty, and I am getting nowhere with tidying it, I HAVE to do this as I cant cope much more with the mess, or not being able to find anything.

I planned to try for a 7 mile run tonight - furthest yet ekkk. Plan was to be ready for when Hubby got in from work at 6,45 but a friend came round and I didn't even start the boys tea until 7pm, then hubby wanted food, then boys wanted me to put them to bed, then I got the washing in (4 loads), and couldn't even find my running trousers so at 8.15 I gave in on the idea of a run so am feeling frustrated.

I am also a little depressed that I need to raise £300 for the charity I am running the Great North Run for and sent out my fund raising details to all I know and posted the link on Facebook and it has generated one £10.00 donation. I know times are hard and I totally understand but what does bug me, is many of the people I sent to (and I was careful with who I asked), are people I have bothered to sponsor this year as well, and kind of hoped for the same in return. Oh well there is still time I guess.

Tomorrow is a new day, the boys are going to the wet and wild event at kids club so I get a full day of peace!