I came on here tonight before bed to blog about my all consuming school issue.
Instead though I am going to blog about the little things. The other day I was reading something about depression and the article said when you see someone who is down or upset or look like they are struggling, sometimes a simple smile or gesture of friendship/kindness is enough to change their day - and it is so true.
Yesterday I was feeling low, very low, on the verge of tears all day (tiredness doesn't help), and I blogged, first time in months and said I was waving my hands and saying help.
A lovely comment has appeared from a self confessed lurker, someone who reads and never comments, but yesterday she did, she sent me a message, a little support, a much needed virtual hug and it has lifted my whole day, it has really touched me and made a difference, so thank you!
It is so true just a little gesture can make a huge difference x
Monday, 28 October 2013
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Schooling
Truth be known I had decided to stop blogging. This was mainly due to time, I find bloggingis very time consuming, not oonly do I spend time writing my blog, I then find I spend 3 times as long reading and commenting on other blogs and hey presto, a whole morning has disappeared.
But here I am holding my hands up and shouting help.
I am sink in fast.
I am back to dropping the kids at school, and having a good cry to try and clear my head for the day, then putting my 'face on' until bed when I have another little cry bout the shitness of the day and the shitter one ahead tomorrow.
At the moment work is killing me. I love my job but I'm sinking. I'm a freelancer but get 90% of my work from one company and its like I'm employed by them. Two of us work very closely on one very large account. C has gone from calling/emailing me daily and 100% supporting me to zilch. The account is too big for 1 person and its showing but the mistakes are on my shoulders. I called her and told her so hoping things improve there a bit. But I dread emails, I dread switching my computer on, I just don't want to do it right now.
Just before this I decided to put my rates up. When I first started as a freelancer, company A told me my rates were quite low and I should revise them in a year. I didn't as the economy went down and the time wasn't right, so 3 years on I decided it was. The response I got firmly put me in my place, telling me where I was viewed in their company, the level I operate at and basically 'they were shocked at my audacity'. Urm hello, I am a freelancer, you don't dictate my rate and I know for a fact some others who charge the same company are charging twice what I am, plus they charge the client full rate for me. Anyhow this really shattered my already low confidence.
The final straw was being told the admissions policy for our desired school of choice has changed and as a church school they now require a signed firm by the head of your church to confirm you are regular church goers and have been for a minimum of 3 years. I agree with this however the school we want for our son who is on the special needs side of things but doesn't qualify for a statement is CofE, we are Catholic who go to church weekly but thepriests refuse point blank to sign the fform. Very christen of them. I am catholic but went to this said CofE school, times change. My son is very timid and a target for bullies and/or being mislead-taken advantage of, this said school has excellent pastoral care and that wouldn't happen. I am gutted, I don't know how we can get round it but it is consuming me at the moment. The boys education is Paramount to me.
Sinking big time
But here I am holding my hands up and shouting help.
I am sink in fast.
I am back to dropping the kids at school, and having a good cry to try and clear my head for the day, then putting my 'face on' until bed when I have another little cry bout the shitness of the day and the shitter one ahead tomorrow.
At the moment work is killing me. I love my job but I'm sinking. I'm a freelancer but get 90% of my work from one company and its like I'm employed by them. Two of us work very closely on one very large account. C has gone from calling/emailing me daily and 100% supporting me to zilch. The account is too big for 1 person and its showing but the mistakes are on my shoulders. I called her and told her so hoping things improve there a bit. But I dread emails, I dread switching my computer on, I just don't want to do it right now.
Just before this I decided to put my rates up. When I first started as a freelancer, company A told me my rates were quite low and I should revise them in a year. I didn't as the economy went down and the time wasn't right, so 3 years on I decided it was. The response I got firmly put me in my place, telling me where I was viewed in their company, the level I operate at and basically 'they were shocked at my audacity'. Urm hello, I am a freelancer, you don't dictate my rate and I know for a fact some others who charge the same company are charging twice what I am, plus they charge the client full rate for me. Anyhow this really shattered my already low confidence.
The final straw was being told the admissions policy for our desired school of choice has changed and as a church school they now require a signed firm by the head of your church to confirm you are regular church goers and have been for a minimum of 3 years. I agree with this however the school we want for our son who is on the special needs side of things but doesn't qualify for a statement is CofE, we are Catholic who go to church weekly but thepriests refuse point blank to sign the fform. Very christen of them. I am catholic but went to this said CofE school, times change. My son is very timid and a target for bullies and/or being mislead-taken advantage of, this said school has excellent pastoral care and that wouldn't happen. I am gutted, I don't know how we can get round it but it is consuming me at the moment. The boys education is Paramount to me.
Sinking big time
Wednesday, 11 September 2013
Is this bullying?
Boy 1 has ADHD and mild autism as many regular readers here know.
His ADHD is treated, not something we went into lightly but 2 weeks in we realised just what a difference it made. We now see quite a serious little boy and a lovely character.
The autism is an odd one. He is not classically autistic(many people think Rainman). In-fact you wouldn't single him out in a group of children and immediately say 'that child is not the same as others', it is only when you get to know him, or observe him for a time that you think he has a few quirks - he is a loner, he doesn't really know how to play with others, he can say some inappropriate things and have no idea why they are inappropriate, he takes things literally, he doesn't like a change to routine, and he finds it very difficult to control his emotions.
On a Tuesday evening Boy 2 plays football at a local field. Boy 1 happily takes himself off into the playground at the side and spends a very happy hour swinging from the top bar of the swings or sitting on the top most point of the climbing frame. Occasionally he will be seen messing around with another boy climbing trees.
Last Tuesday there were 3 or 4 older boys, maybe by a year or 2 playing with a football round the play equipment. I then noticed them throwing this ball at Boy 1 and hitting him and I could see even from a distance that he was getting upset. Each time he moved from one piece of equipment to the next they seem to follow him, trying to hit him with the ball.
I gestured for him to come over to me, he was upset, I told him to move away from them but it didn't work. I decided I needed to get involved when I saw Boy 1 climbing the fence into the football field in order to get away from this group of boys and the largest of them hitting him as he climbed with the ball.
I marched over, using my finger to call both the boy and my son over to me. In fairness the larger boy came over immediately saying 'he started it'. I assured him I wasn't going to shout at him but I did want to know from both of them what was going on. The larger boy said they had been playing dodge ball and asked Boy 1 if he wanted to join in, he had said yes, but then when they hit him with the ball he had got angry and started calling them idiots and throwing their ball away. I explained to him that Boy 1 obviously had not understood the rules of the games and sometimes had difficulty taking part in team games like that. Larger boy even apologised without any prompting. I trotted back to my football viewing thinking it had been sorted.
End of - or so I thought.
Nope, 10 minutes later I notice they are following Boy 1 wherever he goes. He sits on a swing, 2 of this group with then sit on the 2 swings either side of him. He jumps off and moves to the climbing frame, 2 follow him there. In the end I called Boy 1 out so he stood with me for the last 10 minutes.
I have to say I was pretty upset, there is only so much I can do, as I don't then want him teased that his mum is fighting his battles.
Last night saw us at the Football practice again and Boy 1 in the playground. The same group of boys were there and at first seem to be ignoring him. Half an hour in I suddenly realised he is running between equipment again and being followed and hit with a ball.
This time I charged in. There seems to be 2 lots involved, the first was much smaller than my boy and I asked him why he was throwing a ball at my son, he didn't say a word, I asked him if he thought it was nice, shook head, I asked if Boy 1 had done anything, shook head, so I pointed out he was no better than a bully. He then skulked off and was fine after that.
Same group from last week, I asked them why they were continuing to throw the ball at Boy 1's head, they said he kept kicking their ball away - I pointed out that last week they had been hitting him with it. so did it surprise them, all shook heads, told them as well they were verging on bullying him.
They then left him alone. Thing is Boy 1 has no idea what to do and how to handle it, he just ends up really upset and very angry.
I am at a loss, I don't want to stop him playing, I don't want him picked on as mummy is fighting his battles, even standing near the railings and letting the other kids know my presence didn't seem to do much.
Feeling very distressed seeing my boy treated like that by other kids and very helpless.
His ADHD is treated, not something we went into lightly but 2 weeks in we realised just what a difference it made. We now see quite a serious little boy and a lovely character.
The autism is an odd one. He is not classically autistic(many people think Rainman). In-fact you wouldn't single him out in a group of children and immediately say 'that child is not the same as others', it is only when you get to know him, or observe him for a time that you think he has a few quirks - he is a loner, he doesn't really know how to play with others, he can say some inappropriate things and have no idea why they are inappropriate, he takes things literally, he doesn't like a change to routine, and he finds it very difficult to control his emotions.
On a Tuesday evening Boy 2 plays football at a local field. Boy 1 happily takes himself off into the playground at the side and spends a very happy hour swinging from the top bar of the swings or sitting on the top most point of the climbing frame. Occasionally he will be seen messing around with another boy climbing trees.
Last Tuesday there were 3 or 4 older boys, maybe by a year or 2 playing with a football round the play equipment. I then noticed them throwing this ball at Boy 1 and hitting him and I could see even from a distance that he was getting upset. Each time he moved from one piece of equipment to the next they seem to follow him, trying to hit him with the ball.
I gestured for him to come over to me, he was upset, I told him to move away from them but it didn't work. I decided I needed to get involved when I saw Boy 1 climbing the fence into the football field in order to get away from this group of boys and the largest of them hitting him as he climbed with the ball.
I marched over, using my finger to call both the boy and my son over to me. In fairness the larger boy came over immediately saying 'he started it'. I assured him I wasn't going to shout at him but I did want to know from both of them what was going on. The larger boy said they had been playing dodge ball and asked Boy 1 if he wanted to join in, he had said yes, but then when they hit him with the ball he had got angry and started calling them idiots and throwing their ball away. I explained to him that Boy 1 obviously had not understood the rules of the games and sometimes had difficulty taking part in team games like that. Larger boy even apologised without any prompting. I trotted back to my football viewing thinking it had been sorted.
End of - or so I thought.
Nope, 10 minutes later I notice they are following Boy 1 wherever he goes. He sits on a swing, 2 of this group with then sit on the 2 swings either side of him. He jumps off and moves to the climbing frame, 2 follow him there. In the end I called Boy 1 out so he stood with me for the last 10 minutes.
I have to say I was pretty upset, there is only so much I can do, as I don't then want him teased that his mum is fighting his battles.
Last night saw us at the Football practice again and Boy 1 in the playground. The same group of boys were there and at first seem to be ignoring him. Half an hour in I suddenly realised he is running between equipment again and being followed and hit with a ball.
This time I charged in. There seems to be 2 lots involved, the first was much smaller than my boy and I asked him why he was throwing a ball at my son, he didn't say a word, I asked him if he thought it was nice, shook head, I asked if Boy 1 had done anything, shook head, so I pointed out he was no better than a bully. He then skulked off and was fine after that.
Same group from last week, I asked them why they were continuing to throw the ball at Boy 1's head, they said he kept kicking their ball away - I pointed out that last week they had been hitting him with it. so did it surprise them, all shook heads, told them as well they were verging on bullying him.
They then left him alone. Thing is Boy 1 has no idea what to do and how to handle it, he just ends up really upset and very angry.
I am at a loss, I don't want to stop him playing, I don't want him picked on as mummy is fighting his battles, even standing near the railings and letting the other kids know my presence didn't seem to do much.
Feeling very distressed seeing my boy treated like that by other kids and very helpless.
Friday, 23 August 2013
TGIF Blog hop
I have just discovered this blog hop over at Story of a Girl and thought I would join in, although having only just come back to blogging after a bit of a hiatus I haven't posted much so thought I would actually do a TGIF post
This week seems to have been a very long one.
Work has not gone well, I seem to have wasted most of the child - free time I have managed to get which then gets me down, on one hand it's OK as I hit my monthly target for earnings a while ago so all additional work now is a bonus, but on the other hand my list of work jobs grows longer so I need to try and do some.
The kids are now bored of being off so are being more intolerant of each other and less able to amuse themselves, however only 1 week to go and next week is kind of a short week with the bank holidat as hubby will be around too and we can do something as a family, fingers crossed the weather stays good.
Last night we had the first sleepover which infact was very successful!
Tuesday I ran 8.5 miles which has given me a real boost. I am running The Great North Run for St Gemma's Hospice in Leeds and really need to send out another email to so called friends as only 6 people have sponsored me so far. I think the thing that grates about this are the number of ones I have sponsored who have ignored my email. I appreciate times are hard, but I am not asking for a lot and personally I feel as I have put my hand in my pocket for their cause, it may be nice for them to return the favour.
Having said I ran 8.5 miles, I planned 9 miles last night but have trapped a nerve in my neck and all movement is really painful so there is no way I can run which I am a bit gutted about, as its only 3 weeks until the day and I need to get up to 12 or 13 miles - eek
TGIF though as we are taking the boys away for a night this weekend and then spending Sunday with some old friends and I really can't wait. We are going back to Liverpool where we met, and I am really looking forward to it.
This week seems to have been a very long one.
Work has not gone well, I seem to have wasted most of the child - free time I have managed to get which then gets me down, on one hand it's OK as I hit my monthly target for earnings a while ago so all additional work now is a bonus, but on the other hand my list of work jobs grows longer so I need to try and do some.
The kids are now bored of being off so are being more intolerant of each other and less able to amuse themselves, however only 1 week to go and next week is kind of a short week with the bank holidat as hubby will be around too and we can do something as a family, fingers crossed the weather stays good.
Last night we had the first sleepover which infact was very successful!
Tuesday I ran 8.5 miles which has given me a real boost. I am running The Great North Run for St Gemma's Hospice in Leeds and really need to send out another email to so called friends as only 6 people have sponsored me so far. I think the thing that grates about this are the number of ones I have sponsored who have ignored my email. I appreciate times are hard, but I am not asking for a lot and personally I feel as I have put my hand in my pocket for their cause, it may be nice for them to return the favour.
Having said I ran 8.5 miles, I planned 9 miles last night but have trapped a nerve in my neck and all movement is really painful so there is no way I can run which I am a bit gutted about, as its only 3 weeks until the day and I need to get up to 12 or 13 miles - eek
TGIF though as we are taking the boys away for a night this weekend and then spending Sunday with some old friends and I really can't wait. We are going back to Liverpool where we met, and I am really looking forward to it.
The Sleepover
Last night the boys had a friend stay for the first ever sleepover and I was pretty nervous and had a straw and bottle of wine lined up to see me through the night,
Mini man and Master J have been in the same class since reception (2 years now) and are known as the Terrible Two. Together they can be pretty naughty and cheeky and a real handful, neither are particularly good at sitting still or listening but they have a lovely friendship as they are so similar and egg each other on. When I say they are naughty, its never anything bad, more mischievous, however this year they have been separated and when they go back to school in September they will be in different classrooms which to be fair I don't think is a bad thing! master J cried about this apparently whereas Mini Man shrugged his shoulders when I told him and just said 'well I guess its because we are naughty together'.
Anyhow they have been begging for a sleepover for a long time and I eventually succumbed.
The excitement was high when we picked Master J up, so I took them straight to the Valley Garden's park to burn off some energy so 2 hours later they were marginally calmer. Even Little Man who now 3 years older than them at 9 was pretty excited. tea passed without mishap and I was amazed when at 7.30 I said it was time to get PJs on and they ran straight up and did it.
A little treat of decorating their own cupcake with smarties, marshmallows and chocolate buttons washed down with some milk as their 'midnight' feast in their beds was a good idea and then it was lights out. I hasten to add at this stage, they decorated the cakes in the kitchen then took them to their beds to eat!
I crept down the stairs with a little trepidation debating if there would be a need for me to actually sit in my office to keep an eye on them.
I only had to go up once and it was my 2 messing around, Master J was asleep by 9.15! I am gobsmacked that there was little noise (very loud whispering only), no teddy fights or pillow fights, no crying, no in and out of bed every 5 minutes, it went very smoothly.
To add to my delight, I heard them wake about 6.50am and Little Man gathering the 2 little ones up, took them downstairs and got them their breakfast! I got up to all 3 scoffing crunchy nut cornflakes round the table and they had even put mats out. They are now out bouncing on the trampoline so I think I may treat them and take them to the cinema to Madagascar 3 at the Odeon Kids club thing.
Little superstars
Mini man and Master J have been in the same class since reception (2 years now) and are known as the Terrible Two. Together they can be pretty naughty and cheeky and a real handful, neither are particularly good at sitting still or listening but they have a lovely friendship as they are so similar and egg each other on. When I say they are naughty, its never anything bad, more mischievous, however this year they have been separated and when they go back to school in September they will be in different classrooms which to be fair I don't think is a bad thing! master J cried about this apparently whereas Mini Man shrugged his shoulders when I told him and just said 'well I guess its because we are naughty together'.
Anyhow they have been begging for a sleepover for a long time and I eventually succumbed.
The excitement was high when we picked Master J up, so I took them straight to the Valley Garden's park to burn off some energy so 2 hours later they were marginally calmer. Even Little Man who now 3 years older than them at 9 was pretty excited. tea passed without mishap and I was amazed when at 7.30 I said it was time to get PJs on and they ran straight up and did it.
A little treat of decorating their own cupcake with smarties, marshmallows and chocolate buttons washed down with some milk as their 'midnight' feast in their beds was a good idea and then it was lights out. I hasten to add at this stage, they decorated the cakes in the kitchen then took them to their beds to eat!
I crept down the stairs with a little trepidation debating if there would be a need for me to actually sit in my office to keep an eye on them.
I only had to go up once and it was my 2 messing around, Master J was asleep by 9.15! I am gobsmacked that there was little noise (very loud whispering only), no teddy fights or pillow fights, no crying, no in and out of bed every 5 minutes, it went very smoothly.
To add to my delight, I heard them wake about 6.50am and Little Man gathering the 2 little ones up, took them downstairs and got them their breakfast! I got up to all 3 scoffing crunchy nut cornflakes round the table and they had even put mats out. They are now out bouncing on the trampoline so I think I may treat them and take them to the cinema to Madagascar 3 at the Odeon Kids club thing.
Little superstars
Thursday, 22 August 2013
Reasons to be Cheerful
I wouldn't even like to try and work out how long it is since I have taken part in this link! Been very slack but then I did have a bit of a blogging holiday for about 3 months so not surprising really
At the moment I feel I have loads to be cheerful about
At the moment I feel I have loads to be cheerful about
- Life was getting a little overwhelming with the amount of stuff I was trying to do, so I eventually realised that I needed to take a step back from everything which I did around April time and I feel as different again
- We have recently got back from our first proper holiday as a family since we had both boys so over 6 years since we had a holiday. It was Fab, it was a last minute deal, the resort wasn't that great, neither was the food, but did we care - no, the weather was perfect blue skies everyday, the kids lived in the sea or swimming pool which has done their water confidence no end of good, we hired a car and saw some of Majorca, Mini Man's dream came true by actually flying on an aeroplane, and Little Man learnt some Spanish. More importantly I think as a family we totally reconnected.
- Work is flowing in at the moment and I have the opportunity to go to Russia in October (VERY excited), plus for the first time in 3 years I have got the balance right - working mornings, every afternoon spent doing something with the boys.
- We are thinking about having a night away with the boys this bank holiday and then catching up with 2 sets of good friends so looking forward to that.
- Life is generally a much happier, more organised affair at the moment and I have finally accepted I am not superwoman and it is OK to sometimes say No.
Wednesday, 21 August 2013
Will power and weight loss
Before I had kids my weight never varied, I was 9 stone 3 and that was that.
Before kids I swam, I cycled, I went to the gym and I walked - hence maintaining my weight
Leading up to getting pregnant I changed my job which meant I needed a car to drive a couple of junctions up the motorway so the daily cycling and walking were gone.
I didn't put much weight on with my first - he was 9 weeks premature and had interuterine growth retardation so was too small for dates anyhow and at 31 weeks I wasn't even in maternity clothes.
What did change though was my diet. pre-pregnancy I are salad, fruit and veg daily and rarely had stodge. During pregnancy all I craved was stodge. Post pregnancy I struggled to express milk for tiny baby in SCBU and was told by some midwives that eating mars bars helped and I believed them and got into a daily mars bar pattern - in reality, I think a suckling baby as opposed to a milking parlour pump was the real key!
Again, I didn't actually put much weight on but my diet and what I wanted did, I suddenly found the idea of salads and veg didn't appeal anymore, I would go as far as to say I didn't even really like that type of food anymore.
Second pregnancy saw me in hospital from 25 weeks and VERY fed-up and I comforted myself on their steamed sticky toffee puddings and crisps as I got very fed-up of the hospital foods, so the vending machine and puddings were a must! Again I didn't put stones on but following boy 2 my weight crept up to 10 stone 2 and has fluctuated round there, between 9 stone 13 - 10 stone 3 for the past 6 years.
Over this time I have had zero will power, I always find an excuse to eat rubbish, comfort myself on sweets or chocolate, make the wrong choices 'oh well, I've fallen off the wagon today, I'll start again tomorrow'.
I've tried different things, increasing exercise again - difficult with working and the 2 boys, changing diet but hit the same problems of not wanting salads and veg, and decreasing portion size but then get hungry so snack.
My best friend has recently lost nearly 4 stone using weight watchers and the app on her phone and she convinced me to try it as well but to be honest I found it a bind to input everything that past my lips, would forget and then try and remember.
About 4 weeks ago I saw a tweet from her saying 'well bugger me, I have just squeezed my arse into a size 8'. SIZE 8, I have always been at least 1 if not 2 dress sizes smaller than her ever since we were about 11 so to read that was a real jolt and I don't know something clicked.
I am doing the Great North Run so training for that has really increased now, and suddenly I find myself reaching for the good foods and wanting them again. When I am struggling with the running and think I need to stop or slow, or change my route so it is not as long, I am literally chanting 'think of that size 8, think of that size 8' as I go and today I stood on the scales and it made me very happy
In 4 weeks I have lost 6lbs and am now the lowest I have been in 9 years - still not pre-children weight and I have the redistribution and flabby issues to resolve but I am making progress and it has made me even more determined now, given me a real boost - today I feel pretty amazing!
Before kids I swam, I cycled, I went to the gym and I walked - hence maintaining my weight
Leading up to getting pregnant I changed my job which meant I needed a car to drive a couple of junctions up the motorway so the daily cycling and walking were gone.
I didn't put much weight on with my first - he was 9 weeks premature and had interuterine growth retardation so was too small for dates anyhow and at 31 weeks I wasn't even in maternity clothes.
What did change though was my diet. pre-pregnancy I are salad, fruit and veg daily and rarely had stodge. During pregnancy all I craved was stodge. Post pregnancy I struggled to express milk for tiny baby in SCBU and was told by some midwives that eating mars bars helped and I believed them and got into a daily mars bar pattern - in reality, I think a suckling baby as opposed to a milking parlour pump was the real key!
Again, I didn't actually put much weight on but my diet and what I wanted did, I suddenly found the idea of salads and veg didn't appeal anymore, I would go as far as to say I didn't even really like that type of food anymore.
Second pregnancy saw me in hospital from 25 weeks and VERY fed-up and I comforted myself on their steamed sticky toffee puddings and crisps as I got very fed-up of the hospital foods, so the vending machine and puddings were a must! Again I didn't put stones on but following boy 2 my weight crept up to 10 stone 2 and has fluctuated round there, between 9 stone 13 - 10 stone 3 for the past 6 years.
Over this time I have had zero will power, I always find an excuse to eat rubbish, comfort myself on sweets or chocolate, make the wrong choices 'oh well, I've fallen off the wagon today, I'll start again tomorrow'.
I've tried different things, increasing exercise again - difficult with working and the 2 boys, changing diet but hit the same problems of not wanting salads and veg, and decreasing portion size but then get hungry so snack.
My best friend has recently lost nearly 4 stone using weight watchers and the app on her phone and she convinced me to try it as well but to be honest I found it a bind to input everything that past my lips, would forget and then try and remember.
About 4 weeks ago I saw a tweet from her saying 'well bugger me, I have just squeezed my arse into a size 8'. SIZE 8, I have always been at least 1 if not 2 dress sizes smaller than her ever since we were about 11 so to read that was a real jolt and I don't know something clicked.
I am doing the Great North Run so training for that has really increased now, and suddenly I find myself reaching for the good foods and wanting them again. When I am struggling with the running and think I need to stop or slow, or change my route so it is not as long, I am literally chanting 'think of that size 8, think of that size 8' as I go and today I stood on the scales and it made me very happy
In 4 weeks I have lost 6lbs and am now the lowest I have been in 9 years - still not pre-children weight and I have the redistribution and flabby issues to resolve but I am making progress and it has made me even more determined now, given me a real boost - today I feel pretty amazing!
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