Wednesday, 27 July 2011

awwhhh mum, do we have too? And it hurt me - just a little.

An expression I think we are all going to hearing more than once this holidays, except this one wasn't uttered by one of my 2, it was uttered by a friend's little boy when I suggested him and his brother should come round again for tea one day (they are my best friend's twins and now we live in the same town it is something I would like to encourage).

My eldest has ADHD and aspergers. Over the last few years we have had few friends, no friends to really invite round and no friends to be invited to, so whenever the opportunity does arise which is rare both of mine get so over excited at the presence of other kids in the house they literally go mad. My eldest just doesn't know how to control himself, my youngest just copies and shows off.

When I invited Master's H and W round last night, Master'H's response of 'awwwhh mum, do we have to, I don't want to go round to their house with 2 really hyper active boys, they are a nightmare'. He is only speaking the truth. I tried to explain to Master H and Master W, Little Man is like a puppy (their neighbour recently got a puppy hence the use of it), and the more the boys see of people and the more they get use to having people round, the less excited they would be. I think they understood but don't think it made much difference.

What do you do? I don't want to force two 7 year olds into coming to our house just for our/my benefit, but we are in a big vicious circle, I don't know how to tone my 2 down, they need people round, they need to learn not to get so excited, but then no-one wants to come.

I had to admit I was left feeling a little down and deflated, I did want the twins round, I do want my boys to be able to have friends round, and yes it hurt a little when you hear kids jump at the chance of going round to other people's houses but when yours is mentioned they don't want to. My boys are nice honest, please give them a chance, even if you are only little yourself.

7 comments:

Sarah Mac said...

God, that must be heartbreaking RP. I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who can't give an informed opinion so I might be talking complete rubbish (forgive me, I often do).

Would it be possible to suggest meeting with them and their Mum at a park for example and to take a picnic?

Maybe that would take the pressure off for all of you while still giving your boys the company they need and want.

Being over excited (that may not really be the right way to describe it) always seems more acceptable outdoors and having their Mum around might mean the twins relax more and get to know your two properly.

The mum of all trades said...

that must be very hard to hear. a good suggestion from sarah mac though.

Michelle Twin Mum said...

Ohh bless you love, that is heart wrenching isn't it? I understand some of it as my boy can be full-on and hyper. Being assessed for Aspergers at the mo.

Hiw old are your kids? JJ will be 8 soon and I have found he has calmed with time but thenof course he does not have ADHD so I have no idea how that impacts things.

Mich x

The Rambling Pages said...

Thanks for the replies. It is heartbreaking to be fair and not really how I imagine life with kids would be. I had seen the twins on Tuesday night when I went round to see their mum for a long overdue catch HL, wine & food. I left my car there & git a taxi home. So on purpose I walked back with my boys and we stayed for about 30 minutes. My 2 were really good, but still when I said it was time to go Master H said 'oh good the hyperactive boys are going at last'. It does hurt. His mum had him down in the kitchen and was really cross with him & made him apologise but still. I loved being round there though, her back door was open and there was a constant stream of kids in and out of the house. I darnt let my 2 go off and play like that but then that makes me question if I am the problem, maybe I need to relax more. By the way Mich, Little Man is 7, 8 at Christmas, Mini Man will be 5 in October.

The Alexander Residence said...

When I was little I never got along with my Mum's best friend's children and my mum never got on with my best friend's mums... Maybe there are other forces at play too? Neutral territory works a treat though, great idea. Good luck!

The Rambling Pages said...

When I was little I never got along with my Mum's best friend's children and my mum never got on with my best friend's mums... Maybe there are other forces at play too? Neutral territory works a treat though, great idea. Good luck!

The Rambling Pages said...

God, that must be heartbreaking RP. I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who can't give an informed opinion so I might be talking complete rubbish (forgive me, I often do).

Would it be possible to suggest meeting with them and their Mum at a park for example and to take a picnic?

Maybe that would take the pressure off for all of you while still giving your boys the company they need and want.

Being over excited (that may not really be the right way to describe it) always seems more acceptable outdoors and having their Mum around might mean the twins relax more and get to know your two properly.