I have very nearly not taken part again in this, this week. I was feeling quite good and was even thinking there may have been a millimeter of difference in the tightness of my jeans the other day but then I go and ruin it all. Not only had I done my Davina DVD twice, and done a small amount of running and some cycling, I had also been really good with food and when getting a curry with friends on Friday night opted for tandori chicken breast with salad.
But then along came Sunday and there I fell down.We had bacon butties for breakfast which I told myself was fine as we went for a bike ride with the kids, which ended up stopping at a country pub with 2 glasses of rose, a bag of crisps each and I finished both the boys bags of crisps off, a full fat coke, and a heavy roast beef sunday dinner when we got home. I also pigged on some pick and mix that night. Yesterday I managed to work my way through a whole bag of wine gums, and the worst thing is I didn't really enjoy them but just kept popping them in my mouth one after the other. With each one I was feeling more and more guilty and could almost feel the fat depositing with each chew.
How can I nearly be in tears, and hating myself for eating them, yet still continue? I also had an iced bun which I knew I shouldnt of done and felt guilty while eating but still did it?
Argggghhh, I hate the way I do this, I just eat for the sake of it, have no will powere, feel guilty and then eat some more as I feel guilty to make myself feel more guilty. I don;t know how to break it, and hate myself for doing it. Once upon a time I was really disciplined, really toned and really happy with my body. Those were the days.