Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Don't let the bastards grind you down

Yeah for once I am on time! The last few weeks I have been very slack with little motivation to do anything, but I have given myself a good slap and decided I need to shake myself up and realise that what I do, I do for me and the boys, my family they are important.

I have had the shittest time in the last 2 weeks, and to be honest I do not know how I feel, I think I have been living in a bit of a numb daze but I don;t know a few days ago something clicked in me and I suddenly got my fighting spirit back.

Maybe it was because I was in the loft and found an old fashioned small brown suitcase my Dad got me when I was at University. It has all my treasures in it, my wedding diary, an old shawl my Grannie crochet me, my rosettes from my horse riding days, loads of letters from my Grandma, Granny, boyfriend - now husband, little notes he left me, my 18th and 21st cards and gift tags from my parents and people important to me, silly things picked up in clubs - memorabilia type things.

Anyhow the story of this case was I had a bad time at the start of my 2nd year at Uni and was desperately unhappy. Dad found the case at a car boot and knew I wanted one. He gave it to me and had stuck a piece of paper on the inside of the lid with a few sayings on to cheer me up, written in capitals (my Dad doesn't do lower case, or punctuation!), and florescent pink highlighter pen. One of them said 'don't let the bastards grind you down'.

I have often lived by this since and still have that bit of paper stuck on the inside of the lid and saw it the other day, and I won't let the bastards grind me down. I am worth more than that, and I know there are people out there that don't respect me, but if I respect myself and believe in myself then I can face the world.

From this week I am putting my best foot forwards and getting on with life for me, for the boys.

I have enjoyed most of this week _ managed to say a lot of what I wanted to say to the parties involved in destroying me recently and feel better for doing so. Hopefully it has been taken on board.

I went to a fireworks party which was the last thing I wanted to do and although I kept more in the background it was good funk, the kids loved it (and behaved) and both myself and t'husband admitted we have become too stuck in our ways and stay in too much.

We went on a massive long walk on Sunday with the kids and the dog and it really blew the cobwebs away.

I have had some more work come in, for this month and Jan, Feb and March are shaping up to be busy months.

T'husband had a job interview on Friday as he is not happy in his current job, so fingers crossed.

I also went to a PTA meeting and put my ideas forward instead if sitting on them and thinking I would catch someone in the playground in the next few days.

Oh and I spent a horrid amount of money on myself on a new PC for my work and under duress from t'husband as I do all my work on my laptop and despite being  only a year old it is quite unreliable. I am not good at spending money on me!

So all in all a positive week. I am still messed up over the business going on at the moment, but I refuse to let it get me down now, as long as I don't dwell on things and think too much I am alright.

As for the challenges, I am unsure of posting a photo not for confidence reasons but more as I started the blog to be anonomous and think I will stay that way for now. The controversal post, well I am not really a controversal person so might struggle with this one, for now I can't think of anything but will put my thinking ap on and watch this space.

Thank you to all thhose who have commented recently and given me some lovely support x


Mums-the-word said...

Thanks for linking up and really pleased you are feeling better and moving forwards even if the shit is still around a bit/a lot. I am going to do the links to blog posts on Monday evenings from now on so that they all appear together as they come in on different days. Hope that's OK. I will however tweet posts throughout the week etc Going to tweet yours now.
Well done on those steps you are making, all very positive

Chloe@OurPeaGreenPod said...

A really inspiring post & I can relate to how you've been feeling. Very pleased that you are feeling stronger :) I hope grooving mums help along the way too, I'm sure this will be the case. Keep strong & thank you - it's lovely to read something so inspiring!

Scottish Mum said...

Good to hear you are feeling more positive.

All for Aleyna said...

Huge hugs to you my darling xxxxxxxxx

Suz1pete said...

Glad to see you've joined #groovingmums, i've found it really helps me to break down tasks and take one step at a time

Theramblingpages said...

I've taken part each week albeit late some weeks since Kate started it and it is a great help and a fab link! really makes you think of yourself for once x Glad it has helped you as well x

Glasgow_mummy said...

Love your story about the suitcase. Sounds like you've had a good week.