Thursday, 5 July 2012

Should I? Shouldn't I?

As I write this I am fighting with myself as to whether I should - sounds a jumbled I know.

I really, really need to off load, to get something out and I don't know whether to, I don't know if I will regret it, I don't know what it will achieve, but to be honest I am pretty darn up happy at the moment and have been for a long time and don't really know who to turn to or what to do about it.

It is affecting everything, if I am on a bad day because of it, I sit at my computer staring out of the window or playing patience avoiding all forms of work as I can not concentrate, so sit and wallow. I can't bring myself to blog, I don't have the time as I am so disorganised with everything, and take 3 times as long to achieve simple thing, so work is behind and I am getting more and more aware if I don;t pull myself together I will stop getting work sent through, in some respects I think it has already happened. Back in February I was working on 2 main accounts with this one agency and was lined up to do a meeting in Madrid in June for project A. Project B is pretty full on at the moment as we are working towards a major European launch in September, but suddenly when I asked about what I needed to be doing towards the June meeting for Project A< I was told someone else had been getting on with it and not to worry about it. yes my hands are pretty full with Project B, but I think A were told to back off as I wasn't coping with w major projects :(

I know there will be one person reading this who is now feeling very worried about me, please don't go ringing and being concerned as my main problem is I wont really talk about it - stupid isn't it? You are probably one of the main reasons I have not spoken about it on here before as I don't want you to worry, I dont want it discussed with me or anyone else (not that I am saying you will go ringing round everyone as I know you wont, but its just like tell one person and I then might tell someone else as the first person kept it to themselves but that 2nd person might not...). I am waffling.

OH flipping, bollocking hell, I really can;t go on like this - saying it, is admitting it, admitting it is facing the bare truth.

Do I have the courage?


BNM said...

bugger that your blog do what you like! To be honest, as long as you say oi mrs don't worry or leave me be I will!

Mummy Plum said...

Why not write the post you want to write, and then just leave it in your drafts folder for a while. You might find just writing it is enough, that putting your thoughts down helps. You can always come back and share it later if you want. (Just don't press publish by mistake!) Equally, if you do blog it and change your mind - there is always the delete button.

I'm a real head in sand kind of person, and I know how hard it can be to confront that little voice that's niggling at you. Hope you're ok RP, sending you a virtual hug. x