A to Z Blogging Challenge O is for....

O is for Obsessions

Back to my little theme for this challenge which has been about Little man and ADHD and ASD. I had a little diversity the last few days due to personal family stuff but O is for obsessions.

One of the biggest clues that Little Man may be on the autistic spectrum was his obsessive behaviour. He would get fixated on one thing.

As a toddler it began with Thomas the Tank Engine DVDs. We didn't think much of it at the time, with him being our first we thought it was normal. He would watch his Thomas the Tank Engine DVD on repeat, and then get fixated for months on one episode. Even at the age of 2 he worked out how to rewind the DVD so he could go back to the start of this one particular episode (the one with 'Boulder' high up on the cliff watching the trains for anyone who might be interested!). Nothing else interested him. He would also get fixated on one toy which had to go everywhere with him, it was more than just having a favourite toy, and often it was a tiny silly toy - like a plastic tarydactyl that was meant to sit on top of a pencil.

He never got obsessed with lining toys up or things being in colour order which is a classic sign of autism so his obsessions were not something we initially picked up on, it is only looking back we realise it or as people starting mentioning it.

As he has got older he get obsessed with various things - about the age of 6 it was club penguin, he lived and breathed it, all drawings, all conversation, all play was club penguin, he literally was incapable of talking to you about anything else. This lasted about 2 years. From there we moved onto Moshi Monsters - this was a little briefer only about a year, the we had spongebob, and again went through wathcing the same one episode for months and we are now obsessed with Lego, we know everything there is to know about Lego. He has thousands of pieces and can look at one his brother has and know it belongs to him. He has a special box in his bed which his treasures go in and no-one can so much as touch this box.

Obsessions are quite hard to deal with as it is their sole interest. I have to admit we are quite thankful this latest one is something so normal, and something everyone else can actually relate to and talk to him about - Lego is the way forward!

A to Z Blogging Challenge - F is for.....

F is for Frustration

This is the definition given for frustration

Noun The feeling of being upset or annoyed, esp. because of inability to change or achieve something. An event or circumstance that causes one to have such a feeling. This is something we have faced on numerous occasions over the years when dealing with ADHD and ASD. It comes in many different forms from frustration as a parent, frustration of a sibling and frustration as a sufferer.  As a parent we have battled to get a diagnosis, rarely finding someone who took our concerns seriously and becoming increasingly frustrated with the repeated phrase 'he's just emotionally behind due to his prematurity' but there is only so long this can be said when we see no progress only things getting worse. Once we got that golden diagnosis we rapidly realised it didn't actually mean much other than an official name. We are now facing educational frustrations - ADHD is severely affecting our sons concentration span, a well documented symptom which is seriously holding him back in his learning but ADHD is not recognised as a disability that requires support, so he is falling further and further behind.  As a sibling Mini Man has had his share of frustration. A child with ADHD and ASD needs a lot more attention and managing than a neurotypical child and as a result, without even realising it Mini Man has very much been over shadowed - how this became so apparent will become clear in the 'M' post. Mini Man now shouts all the time and constantly interrupts but we are coming to the conclusion it's because as a young child this was the only way he felt he could be heard. As a sufferer Little Man faces daily challenges and frustrations and at times those frustrations manifest themselves in a melt down where he simply loses it and has no idea what he is doing. They are rare thankfully but an awful experience for all involved. He faces the frustration of being left behind in school, being forced to participate in group activities, of not understanding instructions unless they are very direct for example - can you put your shows on ' will lead to no response or action and he is left upset and frustrated by then being shouted at. Say it another way and say 'please go and put your shoes on' is fine, he does it straight away as it is a direct instruction, not a question as he perceives the first one to be. School can't adapt their whole teaching method to take this into account. We are now facing frustration that he is becoming aware he is different and behind. We all face frustration from time to time but a child or adult with ADHD or ASD faces a much greater degree on a daily basis

A to Z Blogging Challenge E is for....

E is for Education

Education is something my son is struggling with. He loves school to the point he cries every morning of the holidays as he wants to go, he loves the routine and knows exactly where he is and what he is doing - which is one reason they class him as being on the autistic spectrum. The holidays thrown him, the routine changes and he doesn't like it.

He is very keen to learn, he loves watching science programmes and then trying to recreate the experiments in my kitchen without me there (eek) and he is constantly asking questions to ask about things. His vocabulary and ability to hold a sensible conversation is also good, and in line with what you would expect for his age.

On paper however, it is a different matter. His reading age has been assessed as age 7 (he is 9), his spelling age 5.5 and they haven't even looked at his maths yet but lets just say he is still struggling with the basics and the 2 x table.

Frustratingly, there is little support. He will not qualify for a statement of educational need but he does need constant support to keep him focused and on-task. He doesn't even know his basic phonics, he cant tell you what sound 'ae' or 'oa' or 'er' make, which make spelling impossible for him. His homework is illegible but his teacher still gives him a star and tells him it is a lovely piece of work, well thought out etc, so he perceives this as doing well. While I understand to correct his work would be soul destroying surely they should be looking at it and seeing they need to work on his spelling and focus on common ones he can;t get.

There are reports to show that many children with ADHD are excluded from school, in some cases parents are being told to medicate their child or not send them to school - We are very fortunate not to be in this position, the school is very helpful.

A child in need of additional help should be put on an IEP - Individualised Education plan which gives them specific targets and works on areas of need. From an IEP, School Action Plus can be implemented.

These we have in place however the extra support he gets is dependent on what is available in school as he is not entitled to any specific funding. This for us is very frustrating as he is a bright little man who is struggling and being failed by the system, the way the rest of children are taught just does not suit him, I think he may be dyslexic as well and we are currently investigating this, but in the mean time he just falls further and further behind and there is only so much that can be done at home, by home time he is exhausted, not switched on and has had enough.

A to Z Blogging Challenge D is for......

D is for Diagnosis

Despite the thinking that ADHD is a very overdiagnosed condition and an excuse for poor behaviour, getting a diagnosis is infact not easy and a long process.

Our son displayed all signs of ADHD from the age of about 2 but we had to bang our heads against brick walls until he was 6 as they refuse to do any testing before this age. Nope sorry I lie. we do have written in a letter that we were a rare, special case where they had agreed to test prior to his 6th birthday but it wasn't the norm. That would be a full 19 days before his 6th birthday which as it is at Christmas, meant the final diagnosis was held up until after the holiday period so probably no quicker than if we had waited.

First referrals need to be made after numerous (make that 100s) of visits to your GP and health visitor.

You then see either the Child Development Centre or your local CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) which one will depend on their structure. We skipped the CDC as our CAMHS had a paediatrician and child psychologist. However, there is normally a huge waiting list

The nursery or school also need to have highlighted concerns.

Your child will then be assessed to ensure there is no other reason for their behaviour, a physical examination carried out, intelligence tests etc, family background and circumstances are looked at and their teachers contacted.

Following this diagnostic tests known as DSM-IV (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,, 4th edition) is used and the Connor questionnaire for parents and teachers

The fact sheet published by ADDISS fully explains the different types of behaviour and symptoms your child must be displaying in order to even be considered for a diagnosis. It is an interesting read.

A-Z Blogging Challenge B is for ......

B is for Behaviour

Definition in the Oxford Dictionary - the way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially towards others

Behaviour is something that is paramount in children with ADHD and/or ASD.

Children with ADHD find it hard to control their behaviour and/or pay attention. An ADHD child will act without thinking, can display hyperactivity, and have trouble focusing and concentrating.

The expression 'live for the moment' sums my Little Man up totally. He has no thought process about what he is going to do, he thinks it and does it in the same moment. There are no 4 seconds between the thought and the action or 4 seconds after. He simply lives in the moment. After he has done something he can give you every reason under the sun why he shouldn't have done, or why it may have been dangerous, he completely understands, however, he does not have the thought processes to think about doing something, then think of the consequences, and then act. His brain is wired differently to ours.

Children on the autistic spectrum can display some challenging behaviours due to changes in routine, being over sensitive or under sensitive, being very tactile and needing to touch or place inedible objects in their mouth, hand flapping or simply having what appear to be tantrums through sheer frustration or violent behaviour.

Living with a child with one, or the other or both can be very challenging.

Many of the behaviours displayed though are a normal process of growing up, toddlers go through many stages, so at what stage do the alarm bells ring and you think 'actually this is not normal'?

A diagnosis of ADHD requires the following:
• the behaviour is demonstrated to a degree that is more severe than other kids the same age
• the behaviour appears before the age of seven
• the behaviour continues for at least six months
• the behaviour creates problems in at least two area's of life: home, school, daycare, playground

For us we knew from a very early age, at a year old, I was mortified when I collected Little Man from the childminder to be told he had taken to biting. She was very calm about it and reassured me it was normal and he was just discovering things and it would soon pass. It didn't. He didn't seem to understand being told off, he had no comprehension. From biting he moved to hair pulling, then pinching, then spitting, you name it, at some point he has had it in his repertoire. He could have almighty melt downs over seemingly small things - roadworks leading to a diversion - that took us about a week to work out, change in place at the table to eat, holidays. He was very tactile, he would start to stroke strangers hairs, anybodies hair. He would dive into buggies to kiss babies, he couldn't just sit next to you but had to be almost sitting on top of you. Despite all this, he is a very serious little boy, with a lovely sense of humour and one of the most loving, caring little men you could wish to know.

Behaviour has been hard, we are coming out the other side (for now) at the age of 9, he is learning boundaries, albeit slowly but he is learning. Over - learning is the key to everything!

A-Z Challenge A is for......

A is for ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

www.ADHD.org.nz

There are still some schools of thought that ADHD is a myth, an excuse for poor parenting/bad behaviour/, and as a parent of an ADHD child I have come across many other parents who don’t see it as a real condition and have had to hear muttered comments such as ‘nothing a bit of discipline wouldn’t sort out’, ‘a good smacked bum would help’, ‘perhaps if she (meaning me) didn’t work, he would be better behaved’ and many more.

I am not disputing the fact that today we see many, many more cases than we did say 20 years ago, but is that to do with knowledge and better diagnosis? In the 1960’s ADHD was known as Minimal Brain Dysfunction, in the 1970’s conditions didn’t have names – my husband himself lasted 3 weeks in his reception class before my in-laws were told the school couldn’t cope with him and he spent a few years at a ‘special’ school before returning to mainstream – he has never had a diagnosis of ADHD, but I would bet my bottom dollar on him still being diagnosed as a 40 year old. It does go to show however it needn’t affect your life – my husband has a successful career and a degree before that.

Like many parents living with a child with ADHD or one who they know is not neurotypical but no-one will listen, we have suffered extreme frustration in trying to make people understand ADHD, being told by doctors it is bad parenting, bad behaviour, the terrible twos, then the terrible threes, home circumstances, or starting nursery etc, they always find a reason but as a parent you know, trust me, you know when your child is not behaving as his peers.

ADHD is infact a biological condition caused by an imbalance of the chemicals in the brain’s neurotransmitters. It affects the frontal lobes of the brain which is where impulsive behaviour control is. It is hereditary and long term, although symptoms do modify with age.

There are three main forms of ADHD:

1. Overactive and impulsive (hyperactive)
2. Inattentive
3. Combined

ADHD can have a huge impact on not only the child’s life but also that of the family. Both our son and us as a family have been ostracised by others as no-one wanted to understand or get to know us. Our son is currently 9, and can hold his own in a conversation and has a firm comprehension of things around him and subjects. On paper however, he is functioning at the level of about a 6 year old with reading, writing and maths as he struggles to concentrate long enough to learn. He is an intelligent little boy but sadly he needs someone to continually bring him back to focus and the lack of resources and the lack of recognition of ADHD as a disability means he gets little support.

Symptoms can be difficult to recognise as ADHD often overlaps with other conditions such as conduct disorder, obsessive disorders, anxiety, dyspraxia and autism – which also affects our son. Social interaction and ability to maintain friends can be impaired.

ADHD is hard for any family to live with and a greater understanding and recognition of the condition would go a long way to improve the lives of anyone affected by it.

I also wanted to add a huge thank to ARLEE BIRD who started this blogging challenge and allowed do many of us to connect so THANK YOU!

What I have written here are my views and my experiences and understanding as a parent, although I do not deny having read many books, magazine articles and trawled the internet gathering information over the years. 

Eye tests and ASD

We have noticed Little Man has been sitting closer and closer to the TV recently. Now living with an IT/Gadget geek we don't have a small TV, so there was no reason why he should be almost sitting in it.
I am so blind I get free eye test and have worn glasses since the age of 4. T'husband has also started wearing glasses in the last few years. So it comes as no surprise to me that one if not both boys will eventually need glasses. So I duly booked the appointment with Boots opticians. I decided to have mine first so Little Man could see what was going on.  At 7 Little Man was expected to read the chart even though I told the optician he is struggling in school.

Little Man was a little unsure of the glasses they use but kept them on, but by the time the optician had fiddled with these, Little Man had had enough and was not going to sit still, was not going to stop twiddling the sides of the glasses on his face and was definitely not going to even attempt the letters. I was furious with the Optician though, he clearly did not have much experience with children and did not listen to me. After only 2 attempts he said he couldn' possibly do Little Man's sight test as he was being so naughty and could we please rebook to see the manager and have drops put in his eyes so they wouldn't need to use the glasses or the reading charts. Our old optician in our old town was fab at Boots Opticians and always used pictures with Little Man and games.

Anyhow I re-booked for a few days later for 2pm and told school he wouldn't be back due to blurry vision. He happily sat in the chair and the manager seemed a lot more clued up about children and sight tests. However she then tried the eye drops.

Little Man took one look at something approaching his eye and flipped. He got himself backwards in the chair screaming and shouting his eyes were burning and it hurt (nothing had actually gone in his eyes). The poor woman didn't know what to do.  He was so distressed and shouting 'that woman is hurting me, take me away mummy, take me home'.  When we eventually calmed Little Man down and left the room at the back of Boots, lots of people turned to see us exit the room so it is obvious most of the shop heard about the poor manager hurting Little Man! Going back to school was not an option due to Little Man's distress so we went for a hot chocolate and muffin until pick up time for Mini Man.

The next step was a referral to the hospital who are experienced in putting drops in children's eyes. The morning arrived (not without a little trepidation on my part), and we trotted off to the department. After waiting half an hour, we were shown into a tiny, long room and Little Man sat and chatted with the optician. She gave him a choice of either bright green or red glasses to put on - they looked like sun glasses which she was then able to blank one eye out of, and asked him to look at both letters and pictures. She concluded with little fuss that Little Man did need glasses and asked us to wait in a different corridor so the nurse could stick some drops in his eyes and then they could work out his prescription.

Another half hour wait and we were shown into a room. Little Man was asked to hop up onto a bed and I could see he immediately put his defenses up. Two nurses came in and I had a quiet word and said he would be difficult as soon as he realised what they were going to do and perhaps they could do both eyes at the same time and very quickly before he realised what was going on.  In principle this should of worked but one of the nurses decided to make a big deal of opening the vial about 5 inches from Little Man's nose and when he asked if she was going to put them in his eyes she said 'of course we are, just wait a moment'.

Que Little Man fighting to get past me and off the bed, and then screaming blue murder, thrashing around and trying to bite me. One nurse at least tried to aim in the right direction when she got the chance, the other stood back looking shocked (the one who had told him what they were going to do). As the nurses are not allowed to restrain a patient, this was deemed another disastrous appointment and after about 20 minutes of them trying to explain what it was and how it wouldn't hurt and would he try, they gave up. I think we were in that room for about 45 minutes. When we opened the door all these people sat in the corridor lent forwards in their chair to watch me carrying a sobbing, heaving Little Man out in my arms. now for 7 Little Man is very tall and thin and when one old man said very loudly to his wife that he was expecting a toddler to come out of the room, it took me all my remaining energy not to stop and give him a piece of my mind.



After discussion with t'husband we decided that to allow him to wake up with blurry vision could in itself be very frightening so we spent the next few weeks talking about putting them in, showing him pictures and practicing with water in the bath. In the end he agreed to be brave (in exchange for a treat - his idea) and we agreed.

The morning of the appointment we were prepared for problems despite Little Man agreeing. We got him laid on our bed, one on either side of him and used our knees to hold his arms down gently, said 1,2 3 and both aimed at the same time before he realised what was going on. He did get very distressed for about 30 minutes after and sat with his back to us but thankfully calmed down by himself and we got to the hospital and got the appointment over and done with in no time. And yes he does need glasses and is now the proud owner of some bight shiny blue ones and has taken to them like a duck to water.

I must admit I am not looking forwards to his next appointment!!

Grooving Tuesday well Saturday!

I am really late joining in Finding your Groove Tuesday with Kate over at Kate on Thin Ice.

I love the idea of this blog hop and when Kate started it, I swore it would be one I took part in each week without fail, and I am still determined to do so even though I am about 5 days late this week which is simply through work commitments and not enough hours in the day.

So anyhow back to the idea of Getting your Groove back.

It only takes a mere 30 minutes a day to take time out. For me I have started running which has had a brilliant effect. Not only do I feel better for it - more alert, less tired, I can also actually feel the start of me toning up so I am feeling more comfortable about my body, and I am enjoying the challenge.

Failing getting 30 minutes for yourself, there is always the simple things in life like a little treat - your favourite breakfast, a shopping trip etc.

Kate has been setting a weekly challenge and this week's was to buy some new underwear. On a walk through M&S looking for something for my Mini Man I noticed there was a sale on and I was right by the underwear and I do desperately need some new knickers.

Now buying bra's is a much dreaded process for me (I will do a seperate blog post about my traumas in this department), but in M&S there were some really pretty bra and knickers sets and I love matching sets and rarely get any. So I thought what the heck. There wasn;t much choice in my size but I went out of my comfort zone and instead of the normal skin coloured ones, white or black, I settled on a dual pack, yes one white but the other in 'hot pink' (apparently). Now I havent got the confidence yet to post a piccy if myself sporting the new underwear like Glasgow Mummy but maybe one day. Mind you if I were Glasgow Mummy I would be showing my fab figure off as well!

I tried the pink ones on and t'husband walked into the room, and his reaction was fantastic and he went off to work telling me he was really cross with me as he wouldnt be able to concentrate all day knowing what I had on which just made my day! Talk about a confidence boost and I have got to say when I wear the pink ones, I do walk around feeling really good about myself. Best of all it cost me £12.00 for both sets in total.

The second suggestion was to visit a volunteering website but I simply have not got the time. All week I have been up by 4.30-5.00am just to catch up on work and I have a list as long as my arm of things I need to try and catch up on when I have time such as reading schemes for kids with ADHD, learning website for special needs, ASD info, support groups, and not to mention my family history.

I started this and have been in contact with  very elderly relatives, one known to me, another who has found me through the research - both are distantly related but one is an old family friend and up until me doing our family tree none of us, including her knew how our families were related and if infact they were. I have now traced her mother. This lady is 83 and I still have to get my research in some kind of decent written form for her, and I am very concious time could be against me. The other lady never knew her father and he is a direct ancestor of mine and my mum remembers all his sisters but not him sadly, and I have been able to provide her with photos she never had. This lady is in her 70's and there is more I can tell her but it is so tme consuming, I need time to sit and do it. Priorities, priorities. So volunteering is something that is going to be added to the list. I have just filled my CRB form in though to help at the school so don;t know if that counts?

I also wore a pretty short skirt for the first time in a long time, not for a special occasion but just because I felt like it, and again a complement from t'husband made it all worthwhile.

Finally just for me I stole t'husband's ipad and ran myself a hot bubble bath and soaked with a glass of wine while catching up on strictly come dancing which I throughrily enjoyed.

 And so onto next week (which in reality is only 3 days away) but I am certainly thinking of me first at times now, and feel so much better for it, thanks Kate.

Should of stayed in bed kind of day

That's how I feel today!

In the space of 2 days I have very similar conversations with teachers, and they have just made me want to jump back into bed, pull the duvet over my head and start the day again.
Mini Man is being very naughty at the moment - he doesn't listen, he does what he wants, when he wants, is in and out of bed on a night, shouts, runs away, you name it. I have put this down to suddenly being at school, he is now in Reception and is maybe just getting a bit too big for his boots, dealing with the change of it all and of course tiredness as we approach half term.
His teacher's obviously have other ideas. Mini Man had swimming last night and his teacher was not happy with his behaviour. He messed around something chronic, lifted the rope and went underneath and swam into the middle of his brother's lesson and the teacher threatened to stop his lesson and make him get out, which had a small effect. After the lesson she spoke to me and said his concentration was very bad, he was disruptive and I was expecting her to say he needed to buck his ideas up for next term. Instead she ended with apologising and saying she had the wrong end of the stick and had thought it was his brother (Little Man) who has ADHD and not Mini Man and she would try and accommodate him better next term.

I almost cried. I also had to bite my tongue and as calmly as I could explained it was Little Man with the ADHD, and I had no concerns over Mini Man other than him being belligerent, as he is totally different to Little Man. I felt like asking her if she fancied taking Little Man for a lesson without his medication and then she could see ADHD as it really is, but I didn't, forever polite and far too British, plus I wouldn't subject Little Man to that as it wouldn't be fair on him.

Today, work has gone mad and I feel like I am on a merry-go-round with it, this morning alone I had 53 emails come in about the same thing between 9am and 12.30. So to get to school at pick up and be told by Mini Man's teacher that she is concerned over his concentration, constant talking and short attention span, had me wanting to run for my bed.
Half my brain was thinking 'oh god no, don't tell me we are going to have problems with Mini Man as well, not both of them' while the other half of my brain was trying to be rationale and think 'he is totally different to Little Man, he is capable of learning, reacts in all the normal ways to punishment and you know he is just pushing his boundaries as hard as he can to see what he can get away with'.
We only moved back home to this town a year ago, so not all the teachers know Little Man and as I spoke to Mini Man's teacher it was clear she had no idea about Little Man's ADHD or ASD. I tried to explain and say compared to Little Man I had few concerns, although I do admit they are now growing.

So I have managed to resist the temptation to jump under the duvet, instead getting a 3 month supply of omega fish oils for Mini Man, bringing the reward rocket back out and revamping it, instigating a new bedtime routine that has Mini Man in bed earlier than Little Man, so he should be asleep and not disturbed, and given him a good talking too, oh and lets not forget put the bottle of the pink alcoholic medication for me in the fridge to chill for later :)
I am praying he is not going down the same route. I know we would cope with it, I know if he was showing signs of poor concentration we would only be dealing with ADHD and not the ASD as well, but after a day like today, it was not what I wanted to hear.

Where and when to do a poo!

Really! This is something that arose today, and it is times like this that make the Autistic Spectral Disorder diagnosis that Little Man has seem warranted.

We spent the morning in Sheffield watching some friends of ours complete the 10K Yorkshire Great Run, while t'husband and I tried to feel more inspired about training for this half marathon with comments between us like 'It must be a real sense of achievement to cross the finish line' or 'Look at him over there, he is huge and has managed it' or 'If they can do it, so can we' etc etc.  T'husband went off at one point to take some photos of our friends and left me with the two boys.

Mini Man then decided while standing on a wall it was a very good time to do the poo dance which involves shouting 'I need a poo' at the top of his voice repeatedly while clutching his bum and dancing round in circles. Going for a poo was not an option as t'husband didn't have his mobile on him and wouldn't of known where we were. Eventually Mini Man tired of the poo dance and went back to playing only for Little Man to then stand there demanding a poo as well (he manages it without the poo dance but does manage to be very insistent).

Crisis was adverted with the return of t'husband so I was able to whip the boys into a nearby Starbucks, Mini Man performed, Little Man declared he no longer needed one.

Four hours later we are home and the boys are pretty hyper, so I make them grab their scooters, we pick one of Little Man's little girlfriends up and walk a mile in the rain up to some park area called the Stray to give the dog a good run. The 3 kids are zooming up and down the path on their scooters while I throw the ball for Dog. Suddenly I realise that Mini Man and Miss T are stood by a bench on the path and I can't see Little Man. Between me, the path and the road is a massive oak tree, so I decide Little Man must be on the other side of this, closest to the road (although not too close) and in plain view of all traffic and Mini Man and Miss T.

Sure enough I see his head appear and then his body and he is hitching his trousers up while Mini Man is bawling for the whole world to hear that Little Man has just done a poo.

Not quite believing what I am hearing, I round the tree to see a steaming log for want of a better word. Little Man is asking if I have a dog poo bag, and also toilet paper on me. You know when you are a little speechless and don't quite know how to react? That was me. When I heard Miss T saying only dogs should go by trees, it seemed to kick me into action.

I had to get down on Little Man's level, explain I didn't have any loo roll and it wasn't sociably acceptable to poo in public and why. There are toilets on the stray and although we weren't that close we could of been there in 10 minutes. I then went to get a bag, and turned round just in time to see Dog round the tree with his ball, drop it, sniff the steaming log and chomp it down in one hit. To say I was nearly sick is an understatement. Of course all three kids thought this was great.

All the way home I kept impressing that perhaps this was not the best incident to discuss in school! I then explained it to Miss T's mum who promised she would reinforce that as well.

Little Man though, well his reasoning is that he needed a poo so why can't he do behind a tree?

Little Man has done this before but not since he was about 4 when he dropped his pants in the middle of a playground, I must admit at nearly 8 it has taken me pretty by surprise!

Getting your groove back Tuesday

I am a little late with this post but I wanted to join in again as doing it last week really made me think about the things I was doing and whether they were really for me.

My problem is since having the kids my confidence is so low. I put this down to having always been a very lively, out going social butterfly and that outgoing butterfly got crushed as Little Man got older and older.

For those who don't read my blog Little Man has ADHD and aspergers and from about the age of 1, his behaviour left alot to be desired. No-one understood why he did what he did, least of all me, other parents wanted to shield their kids from the nasty one (and to be perfectly honest and I think one of the most heartbreaking things was I know I would of felt the same had it of been another child hurting my son), and gradually the invites to coffee, other people's houses and play dates dried up completely, and by the time we got to nursery and school, Little Man had a reputation and I was seen as the mother who didn't discipline, the mother who couldn't cope.

When Mini Man arrived he was a very sick baby (heart problems) and caught everything going, and I was very poorly after his birth and ended up with an emergency hysterectomy which quite frankly just finished me off and I quite rapidly plunged into some good old fashioned post natal depression. I was the type who hid it, my parents didn't realise, my husband a little but I always 'put a face on' and got on with life to the outside world but as soon as t'husband was out of the door to work, I was sat under the shower crying for half an hour wondering how I would get through the day. I struggled with keeping the counselling appointments they set up for me following the hysterectomy as I had no one to leave the kids with. No one wanted my eldest, and I think people shied away from the responsibility of looking after a sick baby. My parents and family lived over 200 miles away.

I coped by isolating myself, not taking myself to places where Little Man could get into trouble, we went to the park by ourselves, we went for walks by ourselves, and all in all this has had a massive knock on effect on my confidence. Even now Little Man is much better, and getting more out of life and even has friends, I seem to have lost the art of conversation, of being in a group. I just feel intimidated now, i think no-one wants to hear what I have to say. I often start talking and then realise the person has turned away and is talking to someone else and my sentence just trials off unfinished and no-one notices.

This I want to change, I want to enjoy life again, enjoy being with people and enjoy having a laugh and I think that needs to start with finding me again so this blog hop is so relevant and really makes me think about what I want to do.

I have been very fortunate this last week to of been away with work which inevitably meant alot of time to myself. I don't like being away from the boys, in fact I hate it but work is work at the end of the day and being away every few months for 4 nights to enable me to be there at the school gates every other day, be able to help out in school and do all the after school activities makes it worth while.

Normally when I am away I am very diligent and spend my evenings in my hotel room doing work, after all there's not much else to do.  This time though I worked one night, I bumped into some people who also provide me with regular work and when asked if I wanted to join them for dinner, I accepted instead of thinking I wouldn't have anything to say and it would be a nightmare and do you know - it was lovely, I enjoyed it, I drank far too much red wine and I got talked into trying reindeer (which was lovely by the way), and I even managed to contribute to some of the conversation instead of just sitting grinning like an uncomfortable baboon. I also managed to read a whole book and I can;t remember the last time I did that, and I took 2 hours off to walk round Stockholm and see the city I was in. So this last week I have really worked on some me time.  I also think going out to dinner with P and B has also given me a real confidence boost.

This week I am not sure what I am going to do 'for me' but I am going to do something and find some time.

Finally to answer Kate's questions:

What music is best to play while finding my groove? I don't think there is anything specific, I think I just need to play more music. Driving to the airport last week I stuck my CD player on and found McFly in there, good old cheesy music I can sing to and I turned it up LOUD and it was good and I sang he whole way and really enjoyed it. Driving home from the airport I stuck the Mama Mia sound track in and again had a good old sing song.

What can I do to make my body feel better this week?
Well last night I signed up for Closer Diets so I am hoping that will help and I also told t'husband last night that we are going to take it in turns to take te dog for a walk in the evenings or rather a run - we both need to get fitter and I figure if we do about 3km every other night each it will really help us and also give the dog the exercise he needs.

If you want to join in, pop over to Kate on thin ice and add your link x

Overcoming phobias in ASD - The Dog

Little Man has been developing a fear over recent months of dogs, which has now escalated into a full on phobia, to the extent he is trying to avoid going on walks incase we see any dogs and if we do, he is rooted to the ground, shaking and crying in fear and it can take up to an hour to calm him down. I am not even talking about the dog being anywhere near him, god forbid if it were to sniff him or approach him.

As we were unsure how to handle it and only seem to have friends with mad dogs, I spoke to both our GP (as we were there anyhow about continued tummy ache which he put down to anxiety), and rang the doctor at CAMHS. Both said the only way to sort it out and stop it developing into anything more major was to actually expose him to dogs and possibly get one, so the search began.

The other week we were told about a 15 month old Labrador apparently very calm, house trained, very good with children, he sounded perfect. The plan was I would go and visit the dog and see if I thought he was suitable, and then we would decide if we could have a trial. In reality it did not pan out like this, as I mentioned here, and basically I was handed the dog on a lead and told to get in touch with our decision.

Dog is lovely, he is very very sweet, I mean how can you not want to love this:

Little Man initially was crying hysterically when Dog came into the house, and then calmed down enough to stand on the table unless Dog was in the dog cage in the kitchen, then he would come down from the table if the lounge doors and the kitchen door were shut. As soon as he heard one open he was back stood on the table. 2 days in after school on Thursday I told him it wasn't really fair on Dog and earlier in the day I had discovered that Dog was fine off the lead and very good at coming back (thank god) and he loved playing fetch. Little Man is very fixated on a new club penguin toy and we are making him save his pocket money for it which will take ages considering it is £35.00 and he gets £2 a week. I decided to try a bit of good old fashioned bribery and told him if he could sit on a chair and not get on the table while Dog had a walk around he could earn £1.00. He began by sitting on the furthest chair he could with his feet under him, as soon as Dog appeared he was standing on it inches away from jumping back on the table, but a quick flash of the said gold coin soon had him stood stock still.

I left the doors open and Dog out of cage and gradually Little Man was relaxing. When Mini Man got the rope toy and began rolling on the floor playing tug with Dog, Little Man visibly relaxed and sat down, still on chair but sitting and next thing I know, Little Man is playing tug as well (from the safety of the chair) but Dog was pretty close for this to happen.

Since then Little Man has walked Dog and loves playing fetch with him and although still not wanting to walk by him unless Dog is being held or on the lead, he is happy for Dog to wonder round the house and not be in his cage. We are amazed and thought it would take much longer. It has been much faster progress than we ever imagined.

However I am now the one having doubts over whether we should keep Dog. For one I wonder if he is healthy, he is apparently pedigree and up to date in his inoculations but we have no paperwork and the way I was handed Dog, I don't think he will be going back there if we decide to keep him. I find it odd his owner who is apparently devastated about geting rid of him has not cotacted me once, it has corssed my mind we may never get in contact with her again.

He is also wormed and flea'd but seems very thin, smelly, and keeps scratching himself in the same place. I have bathed him and he does smell better but before we make a final decision will take him to the vets.

He has clearly never been walked on a lead and needs alot of work on that. He goes on long walks and doesn't do anything and as soon as we get home, asks to go in the garden and goes immediately. More over, I think it has just hit me what having a Dog means, it is like another child, and do we want that? I like the idea of having a Dog but the reality, I am not so sure. I can no longer sit on the beanbag on the floor and watch TV, he is on me. He disturbs us watching TV, we obviously need to walk him which is going to fall on me, do I really have time? I struggle to do anything I want to do in the time I have let alone walk a dog 2 or 3 times aday.

Argggh decisions. I know if we don't keep Dog Mini Man will be heartbroken and we would probably lose all the good work that Dog has done with Little Man. I am being selfish knowing it will all fall on me. I am also worried about when I am away with work - who will walk Dog, without his inoculation papers no dog walker will take him and I go away on Friday until Tuesday night.

I think I need to catch up with some sleep and then I might see a little more clearly.

Back to school woes

Over the past week or so I have red a number of posts from other bloggers with children on the autistic spectrum blogging about difficulties their children are experiencing with returning to school, after the summer holidays. Compared to some of the posts I have seen our troubles are not that big but they still worry me and leave me feeling a little hopeless and at a loss at what we can do.

Little Man has always cried during the holidays as he hates the break in the routine from school. The last few holidays he seems to have accepted them alot more easily and the tears have all but dried up. He was however very excited about going back to school.  We did the usual chatting about him being in a new part of the school, a new classroom, a new teacher and which of his friends would be in his class etc and the first morning back (Thursday 1st) he ran into school quite happily. On the Friday he even opted to go to his new classroom alone. This is one area I am struggling with - Mini man has started reception and this means taking him into his classroom which is on the other side of the school. Reception starts at 8.45, Little Man at 8.50 so I don't have time to settle Mini Man and get Little man to his class on time, so the fact he was happy to run over to his classroom by himself was great (he is year 3 now, so just into juniors and most of the others leave their parents in the playground).

Come Monday 5th though Little Man was clinging to me and refused to go instead coming to reception with me and waiting. I spoke with Little Man's teacher and explained he was wanting me to bring him to the classroom and the timing issues and she was fine about it. All week this continued, one morning he was happy to stand with some of the other children and another mum but the other 4 it had to be me. By Thursday he was very quiet, and the whole weekend he was a bit distant and removed.

Last Sunday my parents came down and helped with the gardening (taming of the jungle), we all mucked in, but Little Man decided to sit on the front drive with a hammer and hammer stones for 3 and a half hours. At Sunday dinner which my parents stayed for, he took 2 Yorkshire puddings, a tiny piece of lamb, 3 peas and 1 slice of carrot and placed the meat, peas and carrot in one Yorkshire pud, and placed the other on top then sat looking at it. I took one look at his plate and said he needed more food and reached for the meat to put more on his plate. Now Little Man eats like a horse, he has a larger dinner than me. So this measly amount of food was very unlike him. He was not happy about other food going on his plate, picking it up in his fingers and chucking into any surrounding dishes. As a compromise I said he could eat what was on his plate and then perhaps he could have some more. He then went to pick the Yorkshire pudding sandwich up with his hands. I asked him to cut it and use his cutlery. He said it was too big to cut so I reached for his cutlery and made to cut this 'sandwich'. He went mad saying he would not eat any food that was cut, and I could see him building to a melt down. He kind of does this thing with his face, and starts huffing and breathing deeply.

At this point I focused him on me and asked if he wanted to go into the kitchen with me for a little chat and cuddle. Off we trotted, and he just collapsed on the kitchen floor sobbing. I ended up on the kitchen floor with him, with him sat in my lap just sobbing. It took some doing but I eventually got out of him that he didn't want to go back to school, he didn't like it anymore, and he couldn't do it. This translated to now he is in juniors they are beginning to do proper school work and he can't understand it and 'just wants to screw his work up and throw it in the bin'. He is aware the others understand and he can't. He is aware the others can write and his words are meaningless, no-one else can read them. He is aware he goes out to have 1:1. He is aware he sits on a table at the back with one other little boy who is struggling as well. He is aware the books he is reading are not the same as the other children.

What do you say to a 7 year old sobbing about this? I felt so helpless. I tried to hit on the fact alot of his friends are girls and explain they love to read and write and are always ahead at this age. I tried to bolster him up saying not many in his class could tell us all about gravity and how things work like he can and that the most important thing is that he has the information in his head and putting onto paper will come with time. i tried to tell him how much he had come on and how well he was doing. I tried to tell him about how good he was at drawing.

I managed to bring him down and avoid the meltdown by simply promising to talk to his teacher the next day and also to the special needs teacher.  I did this and his teacher was really upset, nearly in tears infact

I am amazed he is so aware of all these things but what is the answer? He is nowhere near even being considered for a statement, we will struggle to get him anymore help, from what I can gather in all my research and reading the school are actually providing above and beyond what they have to provide, so I don't want to bang on too much about it as they are clearly doing so much already.

I just feel so frustrated. I hate walking to school with him seeing him become more and more quiet and withdrawn the closer we get. Dropping him at his class and seeing him look so lost still and unsure of himself. Where has the little boy gone who use to love school, who use to literally skip through the gates.

I want to do more to help him at home but he is tired after school and doesn't want to do it, he gets upset as he has done it already in school, Mini Man interrupts and demands attention all the time and now we have a dog to throw into the mix.

On a plus side CAMHS have organised a meeting for the 19th October to discuss the ASD with the school, and the school have contacted the autistic advisory board to see if they can access any further support for Little Man, but this will more than likely be social help rather than academic, but they are due in to see him in the next 2 weeks.

I wish I could do more.