This is My Child Campaign

I have just been reading on Mumsnet about the 'This is my Child Campaign'

I can't express how much I am behind it. After years of having a mis-understood child and feeling the isolation and stigma that goes with a child with a hidden disability it is a relief to see there is a campaign out there to raise awareness.

My own son has ADHD and mild autism. I have found that ADHD in itself carries a huge stigma and that I struggle to find other parents who admit their child has it or want to talk about it. It is part of my son, it makes him who he is. Yes life can be hard with him and as he gets older I am sure it will get harder but under the noise, screeching, running around, and general all over the place-ness, there is a very sensitive, loving boy who would go to the ends of this earth to help someone - no-one ever gives him the chance to see that person.

I hold my hands up and say we have him on medication - very much against what we believed in but hey we were wrong and within 2 weeks of starting a trial of medication we realised not only had it changed his life but our family life as well, it was the best move we ever made, people now 'see' our son, people understand him better. He actually asks for the tablets and says without them his brain whizzes round his head and he doesn't like it. its his choice and always will be. One thing medicating the ADHD did do though was allow the autistic traits to come to the surface, they were real and needed addressing but he will get on fine in life with them, with a little understanding.

Before we had diagnosis' we were labelled as parents who didn't discipline, parents who couldn't cope, a mother who shouldn't work and then perhaps her son wouldn't cry out for so much attention, a son who was a nightmare, a bully, always to blame (when often he wasn't but even at 4 and 5 yrs old other kids would blame him until one day he got the blame and wasn't even in school which made the teachers realise what was going on), always on the outside, never invited to parties, never invited to tea - it is simply heart-breaking, isolating and soul destroying all rolled into one. I stopped going anywhere for fear of how we would be viewed which I can tell you does nothing for your own self esteem and confidence, infact it destroys them.

The times I struggled with a baby while trying to sort my 3 or 4 year old out because he was doing something inappropriate, never once did someone ask if I needed help, but were all too happy to watch me struggle, and stare, or drag their own child away. The times I sat and cried alone, or with a screaming baby and pinned down toddler but still no-one asked if we were alright.

Please get behind this campaign and support it.

The below is copied from the This is my Child Campaign website
Hello,

As lots of you will already know, we've spent the last few months working on a new campaign called 'This Is My Child' - and it's launching on Monday. (We're letting you know about it now because there's a rather nice piece about in in the Guardian this weekend.)

You can read about the background to the campaign here, but in essence it's about myth-busting and awareness-raising - so we'd really love you all to share it as widely as possible. We've consulted with Mumsnetters and the material is supported by input from some of the leading charities in the field: Mencap, Contact A Family and Every Disabled Child Matters.

Over the years on Mumsnet, parents of children with SN have described how their lives are made more difficult by the occasional (or not-so-occasional) judginess of members of the public. They've described how this can contribute to their isolation, placing limits on their social opportunities because they can't face the stress and disapproval that comes with public interactions.

That's why we came up with This Is My Child. Its aim is to support parents of children with additional needs, inform everyone else, and open up a conversation about how we can all act together to make day-to-day life a bit easier for these families.

The input of parents caring for children with special needs has always provided a fascinating perspective for other MNers, encouraging empathy and giving real insight into what life can be like. We're hoping that our myth-busters, tips for non-experts and strategies for parents and carers, along with our background facts and figures, will help to bring the wisdom and perspective of Mumsnet SN posters to a wider audience.

So if you like what you read and think someone you know would find it interesting or useful, please share it as widely as you can (you'll find our impressively large sharing buttons on each page ).

And for the Tweeps among you, we'll be holding a Twitter party on the #ThisIsMyChild hashtag on Tuesday between 1pm and 2pm; please join in if you can.

As ever, we'd love to know your thoughts and hear your feedback, so please use this thread to post up anything that occurs to you.

Thanks
MNHQ

A to Z Blogging Challenge O is for....

O is for Obsessions

Back to my little theme for this challenge which has been about Little man and ADHD and ASD. I had a little diversity the last few days due to personal family stuff but O is for obsessions.

One of the biggest clues that Little Man may be on the autistic spectrum was his obsessive behaviour. He would get fixated on one thing.

As a toddler it began with Thomas the Tank Engine DVDs. We didn't think much of it at the time, with him being our first we thought it was normal. He would watch his Thomas the Tank Engine DVD on repeat, and then get fixated for months on one episode. Even at the age of 2 he worked out how to rewind the DVD so he could go back to the start of this one particular episode (the one with 'Boulder' high up on the cliff watching the trains for anyone who might be interested!). Nothing else interested him. He would also get fixated on one toy which had to go everywhere with him, it was more than just having a favourite toy, and often it was a tiny silly toy - like a plastic tarydactyl that was meant to sit on top of a pencil.

He never got obsessed with lining toys up or things being in colour order which is a classic sign of autism so his obsessions were not something we initially picked up on, it is only looking back we realise it or as people starting mentioning it.

As he has got older he get obsessed with various things - about the age of 6 it was club penguin, he lived and breathed it, all drawings, all conversation, all play was club penguin, he literally was incapable of talking to you about anything else. This lasted about 2 years. From there we moved onto Moshi Monsters - this was a little briefer only about a year, the we had spongebob, and again went through wathcing the same one episode for months and we are now obsessed with Lego, we know everything there is to know about Lego. He has thousands of pieces and can look at one his brother has and know it belongs to him. He has a special box in his bed which his treasures go in and no-one can so much as touch this box.

Obsessions are quite hard to deal with as it is their sole interest. I have to admit we are quite thankful this latest one is something so normal, and something everyone else can actually relate to and talk to him about - Lego is the way forward!

A to Z Blogging Challenge - F is for.....

F is for Frustration

This is the definition given for frustration

Noun The feeling of being upset or annoyed, esp. because of inability to change or achieve something. An event or circumstance that causes one to have such a feeling. This is something we have faced on numerous occasions over the years when dealing with ADHD and ASD. It comes in many different forms from frustration as a parent, frustration of a sibling and frustration as a sufferer.  As a parent we have battled to get a diagnosis, rarely finding someone who took our concerns seriously and becoming increasingly frustrated with the repeated phrase 'he's just emotionally behind due to his prematurity' but there is only so long this can be said when we see no progress only things getting worse. Once we got that golden diagnosis we rapidly realised it didn't actually mean much other than an official name. We are now facing educational frustrations - ADHD is severely affecting our sons concentration span, a well documented symptom which is seriously holding him back in his learning but ADHD is not recognised as a disability that requires support, so he is falling further and further behind.  As a sibling Mini Man has had his share of frustration. A child with ADHD and ASD needs a lot more attention and managing than a neurotypical child and as a result, without even realising it Mini Man has very much been over shadowed - how this became so apparent will become clear in the 'M' post. Mini Man now shouts all the time and constantly interrupts but we are coming to the conclusion it's because as a young child this was the only way he felt he could be heard. As a sufferer Little Man faces daily challenges and frustrations and at times those frustrations manifest themselves in a melt down where he simply loses it and has no idea what he is doing. They are rare thankfully but an awful experience for all involved. He faces the frustration of being left behind in school, being forced to participate in group activities, of not understanding instructions unless they are very direct for example - can you put your shows on ' will lead to no response or action and he is left upset and frustrated by then being shouted at. Say it another way and say 'please go and put your shoes on' is fine, he does it straight away as it is a direct instruction, not a question as he perceives the first one to be. School can't adapt their whole teaching method to take this into account. We are now facing frustration that he is becoming aware he is different and behind. We all face frustration from time to time but a child or adult with ADHD or ASD faces a much greater degree on a daily basis

A to Z Blogging Challenge E is for....

E is for Education

Education is something my son is struggling with. He loves school to the point he cries every morning of the holidays as he wants to go, he loves the routine and knows exactly where he is and what he is doing - which is one reason they class him as being on the autistic spectrum. The holidays thrown him, the routine changes and he doesn't like it.

He is very keen to learn, he loves watching science programmes and then trying to recreate the experiments in my kitchen without me there (eek) and he is constantly asking questions to ask about things. His vocabulary and ability to hold a sensible conversation is also good, and in line with what you would expect for his age.

On paper however, it is a different matter. His reading age has been assessed as age 7 (he is 9), his spelling age 5.5 and they haven't even looked at his maths yet but lets just say he is still struggling with the basics and the 2 x table.

Frustratingly, there is little support. He will not qualify for a statement of educational need but he does need constant support to keep him focused and on-task. He doesn't even know his basic phonics, he cant tell you what sound 'ae' or 'oa' or 'er' make, which make spelling impossible for him. His homework is illegible but his teacher still gives him a star and tells him it is a lovely piece of work, well thought out etc, so he perceives this as doing well. While I understand to correct his work would be soul destroying surely they should be looking at it and seeing they need to work on his spelling and focus on common ones he can;t get.

There are reports to show that many children with ADHD are excluded from school, in some cases parents are being told to medicate their child or not send them to school - We are very fortunate not to be in this position, the school is very helpful.

A child in need of additional help should be put on an IEP - Individualised Education plan which gives them specific targets and works on areas of need. From an IEP, School Action Plus can be implemented.

These we have in place however the extra support he gets is dependent on what is available in school as he is not entitled to any specific funding. This for us is very frustrating as he is a bright little man who is struggling and being failed by the system, the way the rest of children are taught just does not suit him, I think he may be dyslexic as well and we are currently investigating this, but in the mean time he just falls further and further behind and there is only so much that can be done at home, by home time he is exhausted, not switched on and has had enough.

A to Z Blogging Challenge D is for......

D is for Diagnosis

Despite the thinking that ADHD is a very overdiagnosed condition and an excuse for poor behaviour, getting a diagnosis is infact not easy and a long process.

Our son displayed all signs of ADHD from the age of about 2 but we had to bang our heads against brick walls until he was 6 as they refuse to do any testing before this age. Nope sorry I lie. we do have written in a letter that we were a rare, special case where they had agreed to test prior to his 6th birthday but it wasn't the norm. That would be a full 19 days before his 6th birthday which as it is at Christmas, meant the final diagnosis was held up until after the holiday period so probably no quicker than if we had waited.

First referrals need to be made after numerous (make that 100s) of visits to your GP and health visitor.

You then see either the Child Development Centre or your local CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) which one will depend on their structure. We skipped the CDC as our CAMHS had a paediatrician and child psychologist. However, there is normally a huge waiting list

The nursery or school also need to have highlighted concerns.

Your child will then be assessed to ensure there is no other reason for their behaviour, a physical examination carried out, intelligence tests etc, family background and circumstances are looked at and their teachers contacted.

Following this diagnostic tests known as DSM-IV (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,, 4th edition) is used and the Connor questionnaire for parents and teachers

The fact sheet published by ADDISS fully explains the different types of behaviour and symptoms your child must be displaying in order to even be considered for a diagnosis. It is an interesting read.

A to Z blogging Challenge - C is for......

C is for Coping and Challenges!

ADHD and autism have brought with it difficult times, finding methods to cope and over come challenges.

We always knew deep down something wasn't quite right with Little Man - but that day someone actually said it, I suddenly realised I needed to learn coping mechanisms.

To hear the words that your 3 year old 'may have learning difficulties and is showing autistic traits' is devastating. I walked across that playground and didn't even bother to control the tears, I then sat for about an hour in the car crying picturing the lovely trolley collector at our local Sainsbury's who you heard people talking about and saying how well he was doing, they had heard he was living independently, had a job etc. At that point in time, in my mind, that was my son's future.

But you cope, you overcome the challenges, you seek help from places like CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services), the Child Development Centre, the doctor, his consultant. You try and see all positives - mine were:

• As a premature baby he was still under a consultant - a foot in the right door for help
• As a premature baby who we nearly lost more than once to be on the autistic spectrum with mild learning difficulties was actually pretty good going when you consider what could have been
• As a scientist, I at least understand, have databases of medical journals at my finger tips and lots of friends in the medical field, I was going to bang on as many doors as possible.

You cope, you have to and you amaze yourself just how you can adapt and overcome all challenges you face.

My Little Man amazes me day in and day out, and I couldn't be more proud of the beautiful, sweet natured, caring boy he is growing into.

A-Z Blogging Challenge B is for ......

B is for Behaviour

Definition in the Oxford Dictionary - the way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially towards others

Behaviour is something that is paramount in children with ADHD and/or ASD.

Children with ADHD find it hard to control their behaviour and/or pay attention. An ADHD child will act without thinking, can display hyperactivity, and have trouble focusing and concentrating.

The expression 'live for the moment' sums my Little Man up totally. He has no thought process about what he is going to do, he thinks it and does it in the same moment. There are no 4 seconds between the thought and the action or 4 seconds after. He simply lives in the moment. After he has done something he can give you every reason under the sun why he shouldn't have done, or why it may have been dangerous, he completely understands, however, he does not have the thought processes to think about doing something, then think of the consequences, and then act. His brain is wired differently to ours.

Children on the autistic spectrum can display some challenging behaviours due to changes in routine, being over sensitive or under sensitive, being very tactile and needing to touch or place inedible objects in their mouth, hand flapping or simply having what appear to be tantrums through sheer frustration or violent behaviour.

Living with a child with one, or the other or both can be very challenging.

Many of the behaviours displayed though are a normal process of growing up, toddlers go through many stages, so at what stage do the alarm bells ring and you think 'actually this is not normal'?

A diagnosis of ADHD requires the following:
• the behaviour is demonstrated to a degree that is more severe than other kids the same age
• the behaviour appears before the age of seven
• the behaviour continues for at least six months
• the behaviour creates problems in at least two area's of life: home, school, daycare, playground

For us we knew from a very early age, at a year old, I was mortified when I collected Little Man from the childminder to be told he had taken to biting. She was very calm about it and reassured me it was normal and he was just discovering things and it would soon pass. It didn't. He didn't seem to understand being told off, he had no comprehension. From biting he moved to hair pulling, then pinching, then spitting, you name it, at some point he has had it in his repertoire. He could have almighty melt downs over seemingly small things - roadworks leading to a diversion - that took us about a week to work out, change in place at the table to eat, holidays. He was very tactile, he would start to stroke strangers hairs, anybodies hair. He would dive into buggies to kiss babies, he couldn't just sit next to you but had to be almost sitting on top of you. Despite all this, he is a very serious little boy, with a lovely sense of humour and one of the most loving, caring little men you could wish to know.

Behaviour has been hard, we are coming out the other side (for now) at the age of 9, he is learning boundaries, albeit slowly but he is learning. Over - learning is the key to everything!

A-Z Challenge A is for......

A is for ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

www.ADHD.org.nz

There are still some schools of thought that ADHD is a myth, an excuse for poor parenting/bad behaviour/, and as a parent of an ADHD child I have come across many other parents who don’t see it as a real condition and have had to hear muttered comments such as ‘nothing a bit of discipline wouldn’t sort out’, ‘a good smacked bum would help’, ‘perhaps if she (meaning me) didn’t work, he would be better behaved’ and many more.

I am not disputing the fact that today we see many, many more cases than we did say 20 years ago, but is that to do with knowledge and better diagnosis? In the 1960’s ADHD was known as Minimal Brain Dysfunction, in the 1970’s conditions didn’t have names – my husband himself lasted 3 weeks in his reception class before my in-laws were told the school couldn’t cope with him and he spent a few years at a ‘special’ school before returning to mainstream – he has never had a diagnosis of ADHD, but I would bet my bottom dollar on him still being diagnosed as a 40 year old. It does go to show however it needn’t affect your life – my husband has a successful career and a degree before that.

Like many parents living with a child with ADHD or one who they know is not neurotypical but no-one will listen, we have suffered extreme frustration in trying to make people understand ADHD, being told by doctors it is bad parenting, bad behaviour, the terrible twos, then the terrible threes, home circumstances, or starting nursery etc, they always find a reason but as a parent you know, trust me, you know when your child is not behaving as his peers.

ADHD is infact a biological condition caused by an imbalance of the chemicals in the brain’s neurotransmitters. It affects the frontal lobes of the brain which is where impulsive behaviour control is. It is hereditary and long term, although symptoms do modify with age.

There are three main forms of ADHD:

1. Overactive and impulsive (hyperactive)
2. Inattentive
3. Combined

ADHD can have a huge impact on not only the child’s life but also that of the family. Both our son and us as a family have been ostracised by others as no-one wanted to understand or get to know us. Our son is currently 9, and can hold his own in a conversation and has a firm comprehension of things around him and subjects. On paper however, he is functioning at the level of about a 6 year old with reading, writing and maths as he struggles to concentrate long enough to learn. He is an intelligent little boy but sadly he needs someone to continually bring him back to focus and the lack of resources and the lack of recognition of ADHD as a disability means he gets little support.

Symptoms can be difficult to recognise as ADHD often overlaps with other conditions such as conduct disorder, obsessive disorders, anxiety, dyspraxia and autism – which also affects our son. Social interaction and ability to maintain friends can be impaired.

ADHD is hard for any family to live with and a greater understanding and recognition of the condition would go a long way to improve the lives of anyone affected by it.

I also wanted to add a huge thank to ARLEE BIRD who started this blogging challenge and allowed do many of us to connect so THANK YOU!

What I have written here are my views and my experiences and understanding as a parent, although I do not deny having read many books, magazine articles and trawled the internet gathering information over the years. 

Apparently this is nothing to worry about.....

I mentioned on my post about Reading Eggs that Little man is very behind with his learning and we would like to do more to support him and get him more up to a similar level to his peers.

He is 9 at Christmas and to be fair has only really started reading in the last year or so but spelling and Maths still elude him. I have mentioned it on numerous occasions but keep being told that he is not that behind and his work is very inconsistent.

Anyhow, I am seeing the SENCO tomorrow and am going to take in a sheet of paper just written by him tonight.

He is always, always hungry and generally has his tea (bigger portion than me now), a bath, then a sandwich and beaker of milk and then bed. Some nights though he is still awake and complaining of hunger pains at 9.30 like tonight (he is also stick thin despite eating me out of house and home).

I am in my office supposedly working and both boys were told by their Dad, if they managed to get into bed and not speak until the morning, they would get a treat when he came home from work tomorrow night.

Little Man just appeared, grabbed some paper from the printer and wrote:

Me: Hello, what's wrong? Are you not speaking to me? (spoken)



LM: Ica not becu I wont get a tret and I hungree (he wrote on paper)

translation - I cannot because I won't get a treat and I am hungry

 

Me: OK, you go down and get yourself something quickly (spoken)

 

LM: No, yoo go pliys, cwicliy pliys mumiy sum riyol foob ples (written)

translation: No, you go please, quickly please mummy, some real food please

 

Me: (writing now to humour him) Sandwich or biscuit?

LM considered both and ticked both but pointed to sandwich.

 

I then gave him some written options:

1. Honey

2.Chocolate

3. Jam

4. Butter

5. Mud

 

LM read these, ticked the chocolate and mud, then wrote 'harhar' - so there is nothing wrong with his reading!

 

LM: can iy saiy bad tues wot bus yoo sey

translation can I ?no idea? what do you say?

 

Actually writing it on here, doesn't make it look quite so bad, but the image of the actual writing and you will see that I have done well to be able to put all that down

 

But hey, LETS NOT WORRY, apparently it is OK for a nearly 9 year old to write like this 

 

 



Reading Eggs is FAB

I have seen a number of reviews for Reading Eggs recently and when I came across a promotional code on 'how to be a domestic disgrace's' blog and BareNakedMummy's, I decided to look it up for my boys and give it a try.

Little Man is very behind in his school work and classed as have learning difficulties, however, as ADHD (which affects his concentration and working memory) is not a recognised disability within the statementing process he does not get as much support as he necessarily needs. Please don't get me wrong, the school in fact go above and beyond what they should provide for him and he gets more support that he should but the sad fact is, it is not enough. He is about 2 years behind his peers, although his reading does seem to be clicking. He will be 9 at Christmas and still struggles with counting backwards from 20, can't get beyond 2x3 = 6 and still uses his fingers to do maths, so anything that takes him beyond 10, leaves him clueless. At times it feels like an uphill battle. It is so frustrating when you sit with him and spend day after day going through something and he then 'gets' it and you think 'yes we've done it'. Yet when he does the spelling or maths test, he gets very bad marks and ask him a few days later and it is gone, he simply does not remember it.

As for spelling, well, if I asked him to write 'Harry Potter flies on his broom, he is a wizard and my favourite character', he would write it 'Hari Potur fliis on his brome, hey is a wisd and miy favurit caractur'. I have not made this up, I copied it from his homework. Everything is very phonetic.

Mini man is now learning to read so he has been learning the basic phonics and basic blending of words i.e. d-o-g dog, l-oo-k look, r-ea-d read etc. It has become apparent that Little man still does not know his basic phonics, when I ask Mini man what sound 'ea' or 'ai' makes, Mini man can sometimes get it and sometimes doesn't but Little man sounds it out as 2 letters 'e' and 'a', there is no blending, no hearing the sounds, so without this it is no wonder he spells like he does. Although his writing can look impossible at times to read, if you take your time and sound each word out in your head, you can generally make out what he has written.

So getting back to the point, I registered Little Man on Reading Eggs, you can read a full description of it here but in brief it is an online reading resource for children to learn to read, but it is individual learning as the child completes the programme by themselves and progress at their own rate. It uses the phonics and sight words the kids are taught in school and I really like the fact it speaks to the kids as they can hear the sounds letters make in a fun way.

Both my boys love it, in fact they can't get enough of it, with both asking to go on it and needing no prompting, nor do they want to finish when their lessons have ended, instead they want to complete the next one.

Little Man seems to respond very well to the computer anyway and as Reading Eggs lets your child complete an assessment of 40 questions to determine the right level to start them on, it is exactly the right level. Little Man's reading age has come up as 5 and a half (as I said he is nearly 9), and although he is behind, I think this age is also reflective of him rushing the test and not concentrating in his eagerness to collect more eggs and move onto the next questions, rather than an inability to actually read.

The programme basically has the kids playing games, listening to songs and they collect eggs and pet critters (which Little Man loves). I think the biggest thing though is it is enjoyable, they don't realise just how much they are learning from doing it.

Although we haven't got to this stage yet, I believe that there are writing exercises and spellings as well, which will only serve to support Little Man further. I don't know if it was set up with special needs children in mind but it is exactly what my Little Man needs, as it takes the pressure off the traditional type of learning and keeps his attention and focus.

We love Reading Eggs and after our trial has ended, I think it would be stupid not to take out a subscription which is not a stupidly high price at £39.95 for a year and subsequent children get the subscription at 50%

Please note, this is not a sponsored post, I am simply blowing Reading Eggs trumpet of my own accord because I think they are brilliant and more children should be able to benefit from it.

 

 

 

November Challenge

So I have been away from blogging for a number of week (hmmm months to be precise) and i have missed it but I havent as well. I havent missed feeling I have to blog or feeling I have to read other blogs.

Having had some time off from the blog and coming back to it, I have thought a lot about why I started blogging. I think it was to find more support for ADHD.

ADHD is something that affects our family life.
My eldest son suffers from it.
I get very frustrated that ADHD hinders my son's ability to learn and concentrate but is not deemed a disability even though he is on the special education needs register.
We don't stand a chance of getting a statement of needs.
In order to keep his focus and for him to learn he needs support.
I find not many people really understand ADHD or how it affects the individual or their family.
I find people think ADHD is just an excuse of terrible behaviour.
I find a lot of the support / help sites are based in America and therefore the educational side is not always relevant or helpful to those of us in the UK.
I wanted to help to raise awareness.
I wanted to meet other people experiencing the same.
I wanted to share.

Have I achieved any of this?
Just take a look at my blog pages I set up and it is obvious the answer is NO.

So this November I have decided to set myself a challenge.

I will try and do a blog post daily about ADHD, or something to do with it. I am setting myself an ADHD blogging month!  Having written this, I hope i stick to it!!

A-Z Challenge J is for.........

Justification

With a son who has ADHD and aspergers justification is something we have become very use to doing. Justification is defined as:

To demonstrate or prove to be just, right, or valid: justified each budgetary expense as necessary; anger that is justified by the circumstances.

It is not a nice thing to have to do.

His aspergers is mild so to observe him in a room full of children you wouldn't immediately pick him out as different. It is only on observing him for long periods or getting to know him that you would realise he has his quirks, his obsessions.

One of my earliest memories of having to justify his actions was at a farm where there was a handle which could be turned to make a tractor back up and tip a scoop of feed into the pen for the pigs, you paid 20p for a small scoop. He just wanted to stand and turn the handle regardless if whether it was actually tipping anything. Totally unrelated to our visit, another little boy came over and was fascinated by this as well. He stood there flapping his hands and making a strange sound - between this other little boy and Little Man there was a little battle for who would stand continually turning the wheel. A family close by voiced their opinion very loudly that my Little Man 'should of known better, and the other one was obviously autistic so it was understandable why he was wanting to turn the wheel'. In their eyes they were showing compassion for the child with needs, never for a moment wondering if infact the 'normal' looking little boy was indeed normal.

Another instant was while in nursery school. The school was very affluent and 85% of mothers didn't work. At this stage we were pre-diagnosis and Little Man was having a tough time (as were we) as everyday he had done something else that wasn't acceptable. I had 2 mothers corner me and tell me that perhaps if I didn't work and was there a little more for my children, Little man would not be crying out for attention,would behave better and learn more acceptable behaviour'.

it has been hard over the years. As soon as you say actually my son has aspergers, ADHD and learning disabilities, people will accept him more.

What amazes me most though and I think this is why I now feel the need to constantly justify Little Man, is children who don't know him will just accept him. They work out very quickly he is a loner, or prefers to play next to, rather than with them, that he can;t read very well, or write very well, that he has one topic of conversation. The children immediately realise he needs guidance and give it without question.

Adults though are a different kettle of fish. I hear them comment on him not being able to read or the standard of his writing. There are never comments about him perhaps having a learning disability, instead they tend to ask each other if he is behind or if he is at a school who don;t perform well, if he is seen doing something he shouldn't or not responding to something like 'Can you shut the door' - in his mind he is thinking 'yes thank you, I can shut a door'. adults are thinking 'look at that child, blatantly ignoring that request. Nope, say 'Please go and shut the door' and off he will trot and do it. Outwardly you would never know there was anything wrong.

We always feel the need to explain and justify incase anyone sees some odd behaviour. As a society I find we are very judgemental of people and not as accepting as perhaps we should be.

A homework rant this time

OK so maybe I am just jumping on the ranting bandwagon. Not only can I thank Sarah Mac for passing the fire on to me, but I am probably going to fuel her fire further with this post!
Little Man is in year 3 and has started getting proper homework in the form of his daily reading, spellings once a week from which he has to write his sentences and then a spelling test. As regular readers will know Little Man is struggling with the whole learning process and is quite far behind but they do send home spellings that are more geared to his level. The reading we have been doing daily since the word go and as for the number work, well that is a step too far for Little Man to cope with at the moment and we figure (rightly or wrongly) it would be better to concentrate on the reading and writing for now and get his confidence up on that front and let the number work come in time.

Anyhow despite struggling Little Man is keen and happily does his homework, rarely complains and works really hard at it. In September when school started we were sent home a sheet with the week on it saying Monday - PE kit, Tuesday - library book, Wednesday - nothing, Thursday - hand homework in, Friday - spelling test, everyday - reading book etc. This is pinned to my fridge as well as each one being on repeat in my phone.

The spellings are a sheet of paper with a list of 10 words, all normally related i.e. sigh, fight, night etc, or undo, unfit, unkind etc. These are listed on he left hand side of the sheet. On the right hand side it reminds you to read, say, cover and spell the word, then has a bit about what the number work should be, then under this a box suggesting daily reading. If we just open the book Little Man starts messing around and doesn't concentrate so I open his book and place a blank sheet of paper immediately over the list of words and we move it down a word at a time. At the last word, I normally just push the blank paper back inside his book and shut it until the next day when we do them again. From this list of 10 words he then needs to choose 5 and write a sentence with them in i.e Someone was unkind today. This is done in a separate book.

Two weeks ago I noticed before we left the playground on the Thursday night Little man's homework books were still in his bag and not handed in so we popped back to the classroom and handed them in. Last week on Wednesday when I picked Little Man up, he clearly wasn't well and his teacher said she didn't think he should attend school on Thursday. I agreed. He got home, fell asleep at 4pm and slept through to the next morning when he woke as bright as a button, raring to go, and after a very good breakfast I decided he was well enough to go in. He hadn't done his sentences though as we practice the words all week, then do the sentences wed night to hand in Thurs. I went in to see his teacher and explained and asked if he could hand them in on Friday. I was quite put out by her response when she said no, she marked the homework Thurs night and rules were rules, he would get a not done mark. I did protest he had been ill and she knew that to no avail.

This week Little Man was very upset Wednesday night and it eventually came out he had been told he had to attend homework club during his break times - he is 7 not 15. This was because he kept failing to hand his homework in. I assured him it was only once and it couldn't of been that reason but he was insistent. So the next morning I trotted back in to see the teacher. She informed me that homework day had been changed to Wednesday's back in October and the kids had been told. I am not being funny I still need to remind Little Man to put his pants on before his trousers, there is no way a message like that would 1) register with him or 2) get home. She then said it was written as well right on the bottom of the weekly sheet and showed me. Sure enough it was but due to my bit of paper method I never see the bottom of these sheets. I felt it was really bad he was being penalised for my mistake - he isn't capable of reading that message himself. She said she couldn't make allowances it wouldn't be fair, and his homework would not be marked this week. I was livid and she knew it.

On leaving the classroom I got collared by the SENCO who wanted to see me a separate issue we have with Little Man which is to do with a change of teacher which I will blog about separately. She asked if everything was OK so I explained about the homework situation.

Needless to say at 3.00 she saw me again and told me the teacher had been spoken to, and told allowances should be made, she had also had plenty of opportunity to have a quiet word with me about his late homework seeing as though we speak 2-3 times a week to catch up, and Little Man does not need to attend homework club. He came home a different child. His breaktimes are very important to him, as they are any child but homework club would break the school routine which could have a detrimental effect, luckily the SENCO gets thats.

I just hope the teacher doesn't hold it against me, I never intended them to speak with her, but it was out of order and I still feel they get an awful lot of homework for 7 years old.

Unfair!

Unfair was one of the spellings Little Man had to learn this week. Each week he gets 10 spellings, normally with a pattern to them, so this was 'un' - unfair, unkind, unlike etc. Every week he then has to pick 5 of his spellings and put them into 5 sentences. He wanted to pick unfair but struggled to come up with a sentence himself.

This morning I could of perfectly formed many sentences with unfair in it.

Little Man has been through more in his short little life than most do in their life times. 9 weeks prem, brain haemorrhage's, double pneumonia, RSV, suspected meningitis, strangulated hernias, 4 operations -all before he was 4, behavioural difficulties which left his ostracised until it was diagnosed as ADHD and he started medication which has given him the chance to function and interact much better, aspergers and as a result of some of the above he is struggling with his learning - probably due to a very short attention span due to the ADHD so prior to it being formally recognised he was 2 years behind anyhow, and possibly due to some of what he has experienced. They think he has short term memory damage as well due to the brain bleeds at birth but no-one is sure.

So this morning as we were running very late, I decided to physically help him get dried and dressed to speed the process up. He dresses himself normally and although often needs reminders of which order his clothes go on i.e. pants before trousers, t-shirt before jumper, he is pretty self sufficient and I don't need to pay him too much attention. I was kneeling on the landing having just dressed Mini Man and sent him to do his teeth, so swiveled round to face Little Man. I was of course at about chest height to him as I as kneeling. He pulled his pants up and stood up straight in front of me and all I could see was the fact from his right hip his body seemed to curve inwards and then do the opposite on the other side. I noticed it from the front but it looked exactly like the below.

Image downloaded from google images.

I tried not to make too much of it but asked him to stand straight and tall etc but it was still there, I then checked it again in the kitchen before we left for school wondering if it was the angle I had been sat at but I could still see it. 

After school drop off I popped into the doctors to ask if I should be worried, the receptionist was lovely and said they didn't have any appointments but a doctor would ring me. He did while I was still in reception. He was pretty off hand about it and kind of dismissed it saying it sounded like scoliosis to him, and if we felt it was getting worse over the next year or so to go and see them, but then said if I wanted I could make a routine appointment. He made is sound like 'if you feel it is necessary...' I know enough about my science to know while still stood there that scoliosis is curvature of the spine.

well shit yes, I feel it is necessary to have it assessed by a doctor. To me it was very obvious and I can't understand how I haven't noticed before. Thinking back as a baby I remember questioning Little Man's spine and saying it didn't look straight to me, but was told it was because he was so little and not to worry, so I never had, to be fair I have never given it much thought.

I am feeling really, really cut up about this. He has been through so much and overcome so much, and now there is a possibility he will have a deformity. Don't get me wrong, many people have and most do not let it affect their life and get on with it an that is how it will be for Little Man, he will be treated no differently and be brought up to believe he is no different and it won't stop him achieving anything he wants to. But life still seems very unfair, yet another thing for him to deal with. He is not even 8 yet, does this mean as he grows it will become more apparent? will it affect his gait? Will it be obvious in the school showers after PE? Will he be ridiculed? Its easy to say we have to teach him to rise above it but he doesn't always understand and is a very sensitive little soul.

I know I am jumping the gun here, I know I am probably doing the classic thinking of the worse scenario possible and it won't be anything like that, but I can't help it. I have appointment next Thursday so hopefully my mind will be put at rest then. I have had a good cry this morning about it and feel much better for it, nothing like a good cry!

Eye tests and ASD

We have noticed Little Man has been sitting closer and closer to the TV recently. Now living with an IT/Gadget geek we don't have a small TV, so there was no reason why he should be almost sitting in it.
I am so blind I get free eye test and have worn glasses since the age of 4. T'husband has also started wearing glasses in the last few years. So it comes as no surprise to me that one if not both boys will eventually need glasses. So I duly booked the appointment with Boots opticians. I decided to have mine first so Little Man could see what was going on.  At 7 Little Man was expected to read the chart even though I told the optician he is struggling in school.

Little Man was a little unsure of the glasses they use but kept them on, but by the time the optician had fiddled with these, Little Man had had enough and was not going to sit still, was not going to stop twiddling the sides of the glasses on his face and was definitely not going to even attempt the letters. I was furious with the Optician though, he clearly did not have much experience with children and did not listen to me. After only 2 attempts he said he couldn' possibly do Little Man's sight test as he was being so naughty and could we please rebook to see the manager and have drops put in his eyes so they wouldn't need to use the glasses or the reading charts. Our old optician in our old town was fab at Boots Opticians and always used pictures with Little Man and games.

Anyhow I re-booked for a few days later for 2pm and told school he wouldn't be back due to blurry vision. He happily sat in the chair and the manager seemed a lot more clued up about children and sight tests. However she then tried the eye drops.

Little Man took one look at something approaching his eye and flipped. He got himself backwards in the chair screaming and shouting his eyes were burning and it hurt (nothing had actually gone in his eyes). The poor woman didn't know what to do.  He was so distressed and shouting 'that woman is hurting me, take me away mummy, take me home'.  When we eventually calmed Little Man down and left the room at the back of Boots, lots of people turned to see us exit the room so it is obvious most of the shop heard about the poor manager hurting Little Man! Going back to school was not an option due to Little Man's distress so we went for a hot chocolate and muffin until pick up time for Mini Man.

The next step was a referral to the hospital who are experienced in putting drops in children's eyes. The morning arrived (not without a little trepidation on my part), and we trotted off to the department. After waiting half an hour, we were shown into a tiny, long room and Little Man sat and chatted with the optician. She gave him a choice of either bright green or red glasses to put on - they looked like sun glasses which she was then able to blank one eye out of, and asked him to look at both letters and pictures. She concluded with little fuss that Little Man did need glasses and asked us to wait in a different corridor so the nurse could stick some drops in his eyes and then they could work out his prescription.

Another half hour wait and we were shown into a room. Little Man was asked to hop up onto a bed and I could see he immediately put his defenses up. Two nurses came in and I had a quiet word and said he would be difficult as soon as he realised what they were going to do and perhaps they could do both eyes at the same time and very quickly before he realised what was going on.  In principle this should of worked but one of the nurses decided to make a big deal of opening the vial about 5 inches from Little Man's nose and when he asked if she was going to put them in his eyes she said 'of course we are, just wait a moment'.

Que Little Man fighting to get past me and off the bed, and then screaming blue murder, thrashing around and trying to bite me. One nurse at least tried to aim in the right direction when she got the chance, the other stood back looking shocked (the one who had told him what they were going to do). As the nurses are not allowed to restrain a patient, this was deemed another disastrous appointment and after about 20 minutes of them trying to explain what it was and how it wouldn't hurt and would he try, they gave up. I think we were in that room for about 45 minutes. When we opened the door all these people sat in the corridor lent forwards in their chair to watch me carrying a sobbing, heaving Little Man out in my arms. now for 7 Little Man is very tall and thin and when one old man said very loudly to his wife that he was expecting a toddler to come out of the room, it took me all my remaining energy not to stop and give him a piece of my mind.



After discussion with t'husband we decided that to allow him to wake up with blurry vision could in itself be very frightening so we spent the next few weeks talking about putting them in, showing him pictures and practicing with water in the bath. In the end he agreed to be brave (in exchange for a treat - his idea) and we agreed.

The morning of the appointment we were prepared for problems despite Little Man agreeing. We got him laid on our bed, one on either side of him and used our knees to hold his arms down gently, said 1,2 3 and both aimed at the same time before he realised what was going on. He did get very distressed for about 30 minutes after and sat with his back to us but thankfully calmed down by himself and we got to the hospital and got the appointment over and done with in no time. And yes he does need glasses and is now the proud owner of some bight shiny blue ones and has taken to them like a duck to water.

I must admit I am not looking forwards to his next appointment!!

Grooving Tuesday well Saturday!

I am really late joining in Finding your Groove Tuesday with Kate over at Kate on Thin Ice.

I love the idea of this blog hop and when Kate started it, I swore it would be one I took part in each week without fail, and I am still determined to do so even though I am about 5 days late this week which is simply through work commitments and not enough hours in the day.

So anyhow back to the idea of Getting your Groove back.

It only takes a mere 30 minutes a day to take time out. For me I have started running which has had a brilliant effect. Not only do I feel better for it - more alert, less tired, I can also actually feel the start of me toning up so I am feeling more comfortable about my body, and I am enjoying the challenge.

Failing getting 30 minutes for yourself, there is always the simple things in life like a little treat - your favourite breakfast, a shopping trip etc.

Kate has been setting a weekly challenge and this week's was to buy some new underwear. On a walk through M&S looking for something for my Mini Man I noticed there was a sale on and I was right by the underwear and I do desperately need some new knickers.

Now buying bra's is a much dreaded process for me (I will do a seperate blog post about my traumas in this department), but in M&S there were some really pretty bra and knickers sets and I love matching sets and rarely get any. So I thought what the heck. There wasn;t much choice in my size but I went out of my comfort zone and instead of the normal skin coloured ones, white or black, I settled on a dual pack, yes one white but the other in 'hot pink' (apparently). Now I havent got the confidence yet to post a piccy if myself sporting the new underwear like Glasgow Mummy but maybe one day. Mind you if I were Glasgow Mummy I would be showing my fab figure off as well!

I tried the pink ones on and t'husband walked into the room, and his reaction was fantastic and he went off to work telling me he was really cross with me as he wouldnt be able to concentrate all day knowing what I had on which just made my day! Talk about a confidence boost and I have got to say when I wear the pink ones, I do walk around feeling really good about myself. Best of all it cost me £12.00 for both sets in total.

The second suggestion was to visit a volunteering website but I simply have not got the time. All week I have been up by 4.30-5.00am just to catch up on work and I have a list as long as my arm of things I need to try and catch up on when I have time such as reading schemes for kids with ADHD, learning website for special needs, ASD info, support groups, and not to mention my family history.

I started this and have been in contact with  very elderly relatives, one known to me, another who has found me through the research - both are distantly related but one is an old family friend and up until me doing our family tree none of us, including her knew how our families were related and if infact they were. I have now traced her mother. This lady is 83 and I still have to get my research in some kind of decent written form for her, and I am very concious time could be against me. The other lady never knew her father and he is a direct ancestor of mine and my mum remembers all his sisters but not him sadly, and I have been able to provide her with photos she never had. This lady is in her 70's and there is more I can tell her but it is so tme consuming, I need time to sit and do it. Priorities, priorities. So volunteering is something that is going to be added to the list. I have just filled my CRB form in though to help at the school so don;t know if that counts?

I also wore a pretty short skirt for the first time in a long time, not for a special occasion but just because I felt like it, and again a complement from t'husband made it all worthwhile.

Finally just for me I stole t'husband's ipad and ran myself a hot bubble bath and soaked with a glass of wine while catching up on strictly come dancing which I throughrily enjoyed.

 And so onto next week (which in reality is only 3 days away) but I am certainly thinking of me first at times now, and feel so much better for it, thanks Kate.

Should of stayed in bed kind of day

That's how I feel today!

In the space of 2 days I have very similar conversations with teachers, and they have just made me want to jump back into bed, pull the duvet over my head and start the day again.
Mini Man is being very naughty at the moment - he doesn't listen, he does what he wants, when he wants, is in and out of bed on a night, shouts, runs away, you name it. I have put this down to suddenly being at school, he is now in Reception and is maybe just getting a bit too big for his boots, dealing with the change of it all and of course tiredness as we approach half term.
His teacher's obviously have other ideas. Mini Man had swimming last night and his teacher was not happy with his behaviour. He messed around something chronic, lifted the rope and went underneath and swam into the middle of his brother's lesson and the teacher threatened to stop his lesson and make him get out, which had a small effect. After the lesson she spoke to me and said his concentration was very bad, he was disruptive and I was expecting her to say he needed to buck his ideas up for next term. Instead she ended with apologising and saying she had the wrong end of the stick and had thought it was his brother (Little Man) who has ADHD and not Mini Man and she would try and accommodate him better next term.

I almost cried. I also had to bite my tongue and as calmly as I could explained it was Little Man with the ADHD, and I had no concerns over Mini Man other than him being belligerent, as he is totally different to Little Man. I felt like asking her if she fancied taking Little Man for a lesson without his medication and then she could see ADHD as it really is, but I didn't, forever polite and far too British, plus I wouldn't subject Little Man to that as it wouldn't be fair on him.

Today, work has gone mad and I feel like I am on a merry-go-round with it, this morning alone I had 53 emails come in about the same thing between 9am and 12.30. So to get to school at pick up and be told by Mini Man's teacher that she is concerned over his concentration, constant talking and short attention span, had me wanting to run for my bed.
Half my brain was thinking 'oh god no, don't tell me we are going to have problems with Mini Man as well, not both of them' while the other half of my brain was trying to be rationale and think 'he is totally different to Little Man, he is capable of learning, reacts in all the normal ways to punishment and you know he is just pushing his boundaries as hard as he can to see what he can get away with'.
We only moved back home to this town a year ago, so not all the teachers know Little Man and as I spoke to Mini Man's teacher it was clear she had no idea about Little Man's ADHD or ASD. I tried to explain and say compared to Little Man I had few concerns, although I do admit they are now growing.

So I have managed to resist the temptation to jump under the duvet, instead getting a 3 month supply of omega fish oils for Mini Man, bringing the reward rocket back out and revamping it, instigating a new bedtime routine that has Mini Man in bed earlier than Little Man, so he should be asleep and not disturbed, and given him a good talking too, oh and lets not forget put the bottle of the pink alcoholic medication for me in the fridge to chill for later :)
I am praying he is not going down the same route. I know we would cope with it, I know if he was showing signs of poor concentration we would only be dealing with ADHD and not the ASD as well, but after a day like today, it was not what I wanted to hear.

Getting your groove back Tuesday

I am a little late with this post but I wanted to join in again as doing it last week really made me think about the things I was doing and whether they were really for me.

My problem is since having the kids my confidence is so low. I put this down to having always been a very lively, out going social butterfly and that outgoing butterfly got crushed as Little Man got older and older.

For those who don't read my blog Little Man has ADHD and aspergers and from about the age of 1, his behaviour left alot to be desired. No-one understood why he did what he did, least of all me, other parents wanted to shield their kids from the nasty one (and to be perfectly honest and I think one of the most heartbreaking things was I know I would of felt the same had it of been another child hurting my son), and gradually the invites to coffee, other people's houses and play dates dried up completely, and by the time we got to nursery and school, Little Man had a reputation and I was seen as the mother who didn't discipline, the mother who couldn't cope.

When Mini Man arrived he was a very sick baby (heart problems) and caught everything going, and I was very poorly after his birth and ended up with an emergency hysterectomy which quite frankly just finished me off and I quite rapidly plunged into some good old fashioned post natal depression. I was the type who hid it, my parents didn't realise, my husband a little but I always 'put a face on' and got on with life to the outside world but as soon as t'husband was out of the door to work, I was sat under the shower crying for half an hour wondering how I would get through the day. I struggled with keeping the counselling appointments they set up for me following the hysterectomy as I had no one to leave the kids with. No one wanted my eldest, and I think people shied away from the responsibility of looking after a sick baby. My parents and family lived over 200 miles away.

I coped by isolating myself, not taking myself to places where Little Man could get into trouble, we went to the park by ourselves, we went for walks by ourselves, and all in all this has had a massive knock on effect on my confidence. Even now Little Man is much better, and getting more out of life and even has friends, I seem to have lost the art of conversation, of being in a group. I just feel intimidated now, i think no-one wants to hear what I have to say. I often start talking and then realise the person has turned away and is talking to someone else and my sentence just trials off unfinished and no-one notices.

This I want to change, I want to enjoy life again, enjoy being with people and enjoy having a laugh and I think that needs to start with finding me again so this blog hop is so relevant and really makes me think about what I want to do.

I have been very fortunate this last week to of been away with work which inevitably meant alot of time to myself. I don't like being away from the boys, in fact I hate it but work is work at the end of the day and being away every few months for 4 nights to enable me to be there at the school gates every other day, be able to help out in school and do all the after school activities makes it worth while.

Normally when I am away I am very diligent and spend my evenings in my hotel room doing work, after all there's not much else to do.  This time though I worked one night, I bumped into some people who also provide me with regular work and when asked if I wanted to join them for dinner, I accepted instead of thinking I wouldn't have anything to say and it would be a nightmare and do you know - it was lovely, I enjoyed it, I drank far too much red wine and I got talked into trying reindeer (which was lovely by the way), and I even managed to contribute to some of the conversation instead of just sitting grinning like an uncomfortable baboon. I also managed to read a whole book and I can;t remember the last time I did that, and I took 2 hours off to walk round Stockholm and see the city I was in. So this last week I have really worked on some me time.  I also think going out to dinner with P and B has also given me a real confidence boost.

This week I am not sure what I am going to do 'for me' but I am going to do something and find some time.

Finally to answer Kate's questions:

What music is best to play while finding my groove? I don't think there is anything specific, I think I just need to play more music. Driving to the airport last week I stuck my CD player on and found McFly in there, good old cheesy music I can sing to and I turned it up LOUD and it was good and I sang he whole way and really enjoyed it. Driving home from the airport I stuck the Mama Mia sound track in and again had a good old sing song.

What can I do to make my body feel better this week?
Well last night I signed up for Closer Diets so I am hoping that will help and I also told t'husband last night that we are going to take it in turns to take te dog for a walk in the evenings or rather a run - we both need to get fitter and I figure if we do about 3km every other night each it will really help us and also give the dog the exercise he needs.

If you want to join in, pop over to Kate on thin ice and add your link x

Overcoming phobias in ASD - The Dog

Little Man has been developing a fear over recent months of dogs, which has now escalated into a full on phobia, to the extent he is trying to avoid going on walks incase we see any dogs and if we do, he is rooted to the ground, shaking and crying in fear and it can take up to an hour to calm him down. I am not even talking about the dog being anywhere near him, god forbid if it were to sniff him or approach him.

As we were unsure how to handle it and only seem to have friends with mad dogs, I spoke to both our GP (as we were there anyhow about continued tummy ache which he put down to anxiety), and rang the doctor at CAMHS. Both said the only way to sort it out and stop it developing into anything more major was to actually expose him to dogs and possibly get one, so the search began.

The other week we were told about a 15 month old Labrador apparently very calm, house trained, very good with children, he sounded perfect. The plan was I would go and visit the dog and see if I thought he was suitable, and then we would decide if we could have a trial. In reality it did not pan out like this, as I mentioned here, and basically I was handed the dog on a lead and told to get in touch with our decision.

Dog is lovely, he is very very sweet, I mean how can you not want to love this:

Little Man initially was crying hysterically when Dog came into the house, and then calmed down enough to stand on the table unless Dog was in the dog cage in the kitchen, then he would come down from the table if the lounge doors and the kitchen door were shut. As soon as he heard one open he was back stood on the table. 2 days in after school on Thursday I told him it wasn't really fair on Dog and earlier in the day I had discovered that Dog was fine off the lead and very good at coming back (thank god) and he loved playing fetch. Little Man is very fixated on a new club penguin toy and we are making him save his pocket money for it which will take ages considering it is £35.00 and he gets £2 a week. I decided to try a bit of good old fashioned bribery and told him if he could sit on a chair and not get on the table while Dog had a walk around he could earn £1.00. He began by sitting on the furthest chair he could with his feet under him, as soon as Dog appeared he was standing on it inches away from jumping back on the table, but a quick flash of the said gold coin soon had him stood stock still.

I left the doors open and Dog out of cage and gradually Little Man was relaxing. When Mini Man got the rope toy and began rolling on the floor playing tug with Dog, Little Man visibly relaxed and sat down, still on chair but sitting and next thing I know, Little Man is playing tug as well (from the safety of the chair) but Dog was pretty close for this to happen.

Since then Little Man has walked Dog and loves playing fetch with him and although still not wanting to walk by him unless Dog is being held or on the lead, he is happy for Dog to wonder round the house and not be in his cage. We are amazed and thought it would take much longer. It has been much faster progress than we ever imagined.

However I am now the one having doubts over whether we should keep Dog. For one I wonder if he is healthy, he is apparently pedigree and up to date in his inoculations but we have no paperwork and the way I was handed Dog, I don't think he will be going back there if we decide to keep him. I find it odd his owner who is apparently devastated about geting rid of him has not cotacted me once, it has corssed my mind we may never get in contact with her again.

He is also wormed and flea'd but seems very thin, smelly, and keeps scratching himself in the same place. I have bathed him and he does smell better but before we make a final decision will take him to the vets.

He has clearly never been walked on a lead and needs alot of work on that. He goes on long walks and doesn't do anything and as soon as we get home, asks to go in the garden and goes immediately. More over, I think it has just hit me what having a Dog means, it is like another child, and do we want that? I like the idea of having a Dog but the reality, I am not so sure. I can no longer sit on the beanbag on the floor and watch TV, he is on me. He disturbs us watching TV, we obviously need to walk him which is going to fall on me, do I really have time? I struggle to do anything I want to do in the time I have let alone walk a dog 2 or 3 times aday.

Argggh decisions. I know if we don't keep Dog Mini Man will be heartbroken and we would probably lose all the good work that Dog has done with Little Man. I am being selfish knowing it will all fall on me. I am also worried about when I am away with work - who will walk Dog, without his inoculation papers no dog walker will take him and I go away on Friday until Tuesday night.

I think I need to catch up with some sleep and then I might see a little more clearly.

Back to school woes

Over the past week or so I have red a number of posts from other bloggers with children on the autistic spectrum blogging about difficulties their children are experiencing with returning to school, after the summer holidays. Compared to some of the posts I have seen our troubles are not that big but they still worry me and leave me feeling a little hopeless and at a loss at what we can do.

Little Man has always cried during the holidays as he hates the break in the routine from school. The last few holidays he seems to have accepted them alot more easily and the tears have all but dried up. He was however very excited about going back to school.  We did the usual chatting about him being in a new part of the school, a new classroom, a new teacher and which of his friends would be in his class etc and the first morning back (Thursday 1st) he ran into school quite happily. On the Friday he even opted to go to his new classroom alone. This is one area I am struggling with - Mini man has started reception and this means taking him into his classroom which is on the other side of the school. Reception starts at 8.45, Little Man at 8.50 so I don't have time to settle Mini Man and get Little man to his class on time, so the fact he was happy to run over to his classroom by himself was great (he is year 3 now, so just into juniors and most of the others leave their parents in the playground).

Come Monday 5th though Little Man was clinging to me and refused to go instead coming to reception with me and waiting. I spoke with Little Man's teacher and explained he was wanting me to bring him to the classroom and the timing issues and she was fine about it. All week this continued, one morning he was happy to stand with some of the other children and another mum but the other 4 it had to be me. By Thursday he was very quiet, and the whole weekend he was a bit distant and removed.

Last Sunday my parents came down and helped with the gardening (taming of the jungle), we all mucked in, but Little Man decided to sit on the front drive with a hammer and hammer stones for 3 and a half hours. At Sunday dinner which my parents stayed for, he took 2 Yorkshire puddings, a tiny piece of lamb, 3 peas and 1 slice of carrot and placed the meat, peas and carrot in one Yorkshire pud, and placed the other on top then sat looking at it. I took one look at his plate and said he needed more food and reached for the meat to put more on his plate. Now Little Man eats like a horse, he has a larger dinner than me. So this measly amount of food was very unlike him. He was not happy about other food going on his plate, picking it up in his fingers and chucking into any surrounding dishes. As a compromise I said he could eat what was on his plate and then perhaps he could have some more. He then went to pick the Yorkshire pudding sandwich up with his hands. I asked him to cut it and use his cutlery. He said it was too big to cut so I reached for his cutlery and made to cut this 'sandwich'. He went mad saying he would not eat any food that was cut, and I could see him building to a melt down. He kind of does this thing with his face, and starts huffing and breathing deeply.

At this point I focused him on me and asked if he wanted to go into the kitchen with me for a little chat and cuddle. Off we trotted, and he just collapsed on the kitchen floor sobbing. I ended up on the kitchen floor with him, with him sat in my lap just sobbing. It took some doing but I eventually got out of him that he didn't want to go back to school, he didn't like it anymore, and he couldn't do it. This translated to now he is in juniors they are beginning to do proper school work and he can't understand it and 'just wants to screw his work up and throw it in the bin'. He is aware the others understand and he can't. He is aware the others can write and his words are meaningless, no-one else can read them. He is aware he goes out to have 1:1. He is aware he sits on a table at the back with one other little boy who is struggling as well. He is aware the books he is reading are not the same as the other children.

What do you say to a 7 year old sobbing about this? I felt so helpless. I tried to hit on the fact alot of his friends are girls and explain they love to read and write and are always ahead at this age. I tried to bolster him up saying not many in his class could tell us all about gravity and how things work like he can and that the most important thing is that he has the information in his head and putting onto paper will come with time. i tried to tell him how much he had come on and how well he was doing. I tried to tell him about how good he was at drawing.

I managed to bring him down and avoid the meltdown by simply promising to talk to his teacher the next day and also to the special needs teacher.  I did this and his teacher was really upset, nearly in tears infact

I am amazed he is so aware of all these things but what is the answer? He is nowhere near even being considered for a statement, we will struggle to get him anymore help, from what I can gather in all my research and reading the school are actually providing above and beyond what they have to provide, so I don't want to bang on too much about it as they are clearly doing so much already.

I just feel so frustrated. I hate walking to school with him seeing him become more and more quiet and withdrawn the closer we get. Dropping him at his class and seeing him look so lost still and unsure of himself. Where has the little boy gone who use to love school, who use to literally skip through the gates.

I want to do more to help him at home but he is tired after school and doesn't want to do it, he gets upset as he has done it already in school, Mini Man interrupts and demands attention all the time and now we have a dog to throw into the mix.

On a plus side CAMHS have organised a meeting for the 19th October to discuss the ASD with the school, and the school have contacted the autistic advisory board to see if they can access any further support for Little Man, but this will more than likely be social help rather than academic, but they are due in to see him in the next 2 weeks.

I wish I could do more.