So this week I am feeling very cheerful, suddenly things seemed to have turned a corner for me and my whole outlook on life is changing and for the better. I think there are a number of different reasons for this and each one is a reason to be cheerful in its own right so
- I admitted that I wasn't really on top of the world a while back and eventually saw the doctor who prescribed some mild antidepressants. I decided I should give them a go. I can look back now and realise just how unhappy and down I have been and didn't even realise it. But now I feel like a different person
- I also admitted I needed help with my marriage - this was more of a me problem and more than likely due to me feeling so low (although there was other stuff going on as well). So I rang Relate and set up some sessions. T'husband knew about these and even offered to come but I wanted to go alone. I finished the sessions last week. I didn't really like the woman I saw but I did like being able to 'talk' and just the whole mapping out my worries, my stresses and how I was feeling has really put things in perspective. Over the last 9 years t'husband and I have gone through hell (2 x premature births, child in Great Ormond St on life support, other child with heart condition and 3 threats of open heart surgery to come to terms with, strangulated hernias and emergency surgery, learning difficulties, behavioural problems, autism, ADHD, complicated 2nd pregnancy resulting in a 10 week hospital stay, emergency hysterectomy and 14 blood transfusions, ovarian cancer scare with them being whipped out and biopsied in the space of 2 weeks (my ovaries were left after the hysterectomy), father-in-law dying in a car accident, my own Dad having a cancer scare and surgery, moving house, new jobs, post natal depression, being mis-sold a car which had been clocked and led to a court case, not to mention the countless operations and hospital admissions both boys have had in the first few years of life and I have probably missed something off the list). Christ it is not surprising that t'husband and I have had some problems! Funny though that I couldn't see this before I talked to someone. Needless to say we are on the up, we have rediscovered the fun side to our relationship, we are taking time out for each other and appreciating each other and things are good and most importantly for the 1st time in years we are laughing together.
- I did my first boudoir photo shoot which was a fantastic experience. I did it as a birthday present for my husband and he LOVES it, but I also did it for me. My confidence in myself has zoomed through the roof, I am almost strutting! Not only did I feel more confident just going and having it done, having the nerve to strip off and be photographed, I am in awe of the actual images. I am sorry to sound big headed but bloody hell, I DO look good! I have been working hard to get back to my pre-pregnancy size 10, going to the gym, running and eating better, and although my tummy still needs toning, looking at the photos, I think I am nearly there - why don't you see those results when looking in a mirror?
- I have eventually started properly sorting my paperwork and office, and although I literally can only just see my keyboard, and cant see the floor at the moment, I am suddenly getting some order, my finances are now all logged on a spreadsheet, I have filed all my receipts by the month, numbered them and labelled them, and feel so much better for doing it
- This weekend I plan to crack on with decorating the hall (which has been underway for over a year now, but lets not worry about that too much) - once the hall is done, i can do the boys bedroom. Work is quiet so I will make the most of it, as if this new job comes off it will be full on again
- Christmas is approaching and although I don't like putting the decoration up too early, I can feel my excitement starting to rise. I love Christmas - 26 days until it arrives and 24 days until my baby is 9 - where has the time gone, he has grown into a little man to be proud of.
- Today the sky is a brilliant blue, it is cold and crisp and the boys arrived at school with rosy cheeks, that just makes me smile in itself
- The next reason may seem a bit morbid to some but something recently happened which really struck a cord with me and makes me simply so thankful to be here, to be alive that I think I want to include it. A friend of mine, a few weeks ago, lost her best friend. Her best friend died 2 hours after giving birth to her second child. Unbelievable in this day and age. She was a primary school teacher and in fact some of you may have seen it as it made national news and was in The Times. She suffered hemorrhaging after the birth and no-one acted quickly enough. It really slammed home for me, as it is exactly what happened to me, only I was being very carefully monitored as I was high risk - she wasn't so there is now an investigation going on, but it won't bring her back. She was 30, she has a toddler and brand new baby who will never know his mum. It has left a lot of devastation. Hearing stories like that sends a cold shiver down my spine and makes me thank whoever it is who it watching over me, up there.
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