Tuesday, 19 March 2013

How am I getting on - Highs and Lows of 2012

At the end of 2012 Kate over at NakedMum set a post called 'The High's and lows' and asked everyone to write a post about their past year. I did this, but the other day I saw someone (sorry cant remember who) had been back and reviewed her post and assessed how she was doing, which prompted me to do the same. I had forgotten some of what I had written and it was an interesting read and i felt it would be helpful to do the same and do a review.

I have re-posted it wit questions 12 first as this asked what you would like to change in 2012

12. Tell us three things you would like to change about your life in 2013.

  1. I would like to much more confident, not feel bullied at times, and stand up for myself alot more This is still very much a work in progress and something I really need to do
  2. I would like my boys and OH to do more to help and to stop waiting on them hand and foot (most of which is my own fault as I find it easier to tidy up after them all but that needs to stop) Working on this, the boys now have charts where they lose game time if they don't complete a certain number of tasks per day such as making their bed, putting their pjs in their beds, hanging clothes up, tidying up, dirty clothes in linen basket, hanging towels up etc, its working for them but not for hubby - yet!
  3. I would like to be much more time efficient, especially with work. I write a blog post, then start reading other blogs and suddenly realise I have lost a whole mornings work, then spend 2 hours panicking and trying to make time up before school pick up and doing a sloppy job, or I play stupid addictive games on my phone, it beeps with a message, I read the message and then feel the need to have 'just 3' games of something but then its just one more, oh just one more again, I'll just wait until I score over 100,000 etc. It has to stop. My lack of blogging has dealt with this but I am now much more time conscious and much better at sticking to my work and doing a better job
  4. I want to look after myself more - earlier nights, less alcohol, better diet and to shift the last half stone. Although I don't have as many early nights as I would like I am more often than not in bed around 11 now rather than midnight, I have cut the alcohol down and my diet is much better so going well on this one
  5. I am desperate to stop being late places, I am always late and disorganised. Everyone calls me dizzy and dozy and disorganised which is so true (hard to believe I am a successful project manager in my line of work and can organise a meeting for over 1000 people with no hassles!). Although I tell myself it is part of my charm, it needs to change as it stresses me. This is a constant battle, my problem is I plan ahead, see we are doing well for time or early so start something and then we are late
  6. I want to have friends - sounds odd as I do have friends but not close ones, not like I use to. My 2 best friends from childhood live close by but 1 is very different to me, never left her home town, a real homebody (and don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that) but she is very safe and sensible and although we see each other most days at school, sometimes run together or go for dog walks etc, its not that total understanding each others humour relationship, plus our husbands don't really get on, they have never said as much and tolerate each other but you know you can just tell these things. My other close friend who is more like a sister and is as close as one lives on the other side of town. We have a wine and cooking together night once a month and chew the fat and I love it but I want a close friend to giggle with, to pop round to and have coffee and see more of. One who comes and spends an evening with a bottle of wine at ours or we go to theirs - one that involves me and my husband. We seem to have lost most of those friends which I miss. Friends I get on well with, the husbands don't seem to connect. I think this one relates to the first part and is to do with confidence. I use to love going out, could hold my own and easily made new friends. I now feel boring, I now feel people switch off and I am just really serious and have forgotten how to just have a laugh, all my conversation seems to be deep or boring or long winded so not doing well on this one
  7. To stop feeling so insecure - I want to be invited to social events and not find out they have happened after the event and that we weren't there and not know why. I want to have a summer BBQ like I tried to last year and not be left with only 2 people and my brother and his wife coming by the actual morning as everyone lets us down. See above!
  8. To have a bit more me time so I can do my blogging without worrying about work, and to get back into my family tree which has been abandoned for the last 2 years. I am trying to make more time for me and although haven't done much, I have started looking into my family history a little more
  9. To be happy and stop caring and worrying so much. 
OK so I know that was 9 things and not 3 but I want to set myself some challenges

1.What was your happiest event?

Two things which I am selfishly going to make my own events. 1). Completing a half marathon which was a real challenge for someone who has never been able to run and 2). Having the guts to have my photos taken naked!

2. What was the saddest thing to happen?

Realising I wasn't happy in my marriage -

3. What was the most unlikely thing to happen that actually went ahead and did?

See the first question and answer! Running a half marathon and taking my kit off (not while running the half marathon I hasten to add!).

4. Who let you down?

My closest friend who hurt me more than I thought possible and although I can forgive, it is not as easy to forget

5. Who supported you?
Close friends and family by just being there - they didn't realise as I didn't discuss any of my problems but they still helped by being there and the blogging, especially Groovy Mum's and Reasons to be Cheerful

6. Tell us one thing you learned

That there is nothing wrong in admitting you need help, it is not a sign of weakness and is in fact a sign of strength

7. Tell us one thing that made you laugh

My best friends hen weekend - in fact when my cheekbones were hurting from laughing I realised just how miserable I had been!

8. Tell us one thing that made you cry

Admitting my relationship was in trouble

9. Tell us three things your child or children did to make you feel proud.

  1. The 2 boys just being here. They are both such happy little men, yet have both overcome so much in their short lives. Little Man overcame brain haemorrhage's and breathing difficulties at birth, is now one of the tallest in his class - not bad for a tiny 2lb 9oz baby whose leg was thinner than my Dad's thumb, went into Great Ormond St ICU on life support desperately ill at 8 weeks old with us being told it was touch and go and then he would come home on oxygen and be dogged by a weak chest and numerous problems, to a week later being transferred back to our local hospital with our little fighter on no oxygen, feeding like the world was ending and in 9 years he has not had one chest infection since. He overcomes everything with a smile, he is such a happy, gorgeous boy. Mini man also astounds me daily. Born with a heart condition which had him in heart failure for 14 months and was deemed 'failure to thrive', he dodged open heart surgery 3 times, was on daily steroids, diuretics, reflux meds, and a daily antibiotics due to continued chest infections and ear infections to now being as strong as an ox, a very happy, go Lucky little character who lights up a room with his personality. They both astound me daily.
  2. Little Man has worked really hard at his reading. He is struggling in school, but never complains, and puts his all into his work. His reading is so much better now. He also found the confidence to say 2 lines in the school play in front of 100's of people, something we never thought we would see.
  3. Mini Man going into Year 1 and suddenly buckling down, and coming on in leaps and bounds.
10. Tell us one thing that made you proud of yourself.

Apart of the 2 things I mentioned in the first question (did I mention I was proud of running my half marathon and having a boudoir shoot!?), I am also very proud that I over came my pride and faced the problems my marriage was having and dealt with them. I made some major decisions which I believe were the right ones, not just for me but for the family, and I guess only time will tell if they were the right ones, but feeling so much happier and more positive makes me feel, if they weren't right, to then make the right ones in the future may be easier.

11. Tell us one challenge you overcame

My pride


Sarah Mac said...

You know what RP? You have a hell of a lot to be proud of! It takes real guts to face up to and admit the things that don't make you happy about either yourself or other people. It's the first step in making changes.

Remember that you DO deserve to be happy, I honestly know where you are coming from, I spent many years in a place where I wasn't happy with either myself or the people around me and, although it may seem from my blog that things are very different now (and they are mostly), I still carry that with me to an extent.

The marathon and the boudior shots (oh, those photos - how FANTASTIC do you look!!!) are huge achievements that you should be so proud of.

You are a great mum and a lovely lady - I'm proud to have you as a friend and I wish we could meet up for a cuppa and cake or a glass of wine sometime xx

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