Friday, 7 October 2011

Elephant in the room

At the beginning of the week there was a real atmosphere between me and t'husband, entirely created by me as well. He wasn't really sure what was going on but was actually sensitive enough to notice it, and approached me about it 2 days later.

The story is I ended up feeling like a bit of a tit but I think with reason and he agrees.

T'husband has a tablet, not an iPad but the Motorola version the Xoom, he loves it, and is always berating me for firing up my laptop or using my phone just to google one thing and keeps telling me to use the Xoom. I never do, I don't know why as I think it is brilliant but I just don't reach for it automatically.

Anyhow, t'husband and I have been getting on really well, yes we had the blip around our wedding anniversary but then all couples do, its never going to be one huge party. I went up to bed on Sunday night and saw his Xoom lying on the bed and suddenly thought I would check the bank account to make sure he had been paid. I was a little late doing it as the weekend had been busy with Mini Man's birthday. 

So I switch the Xoom on, unlock it and the screen flicks up with t'husband's email open, not just on his inbox but an actual email open. There was no missing what it was entitled in large, fancy header basically a chat/dating website for single girls and so and so wants to chat with you, log on now before the message disappears' and then below this a picture of t'husband as his profile picture, the same one as his facebook picture except with me cropped out. I just sat staring, not quite believing what I was seeing. I then went back through his inbox and there were emails right back to March, I found the emails with his user name and password in his deleted items, so I then fired up my laptop and logged in as him, all unread. You would wouldn't you! Thing is there was no activity on his profile, he hadn't registered any details, there were no sent messages in his profile's box, all messages from these girls were unread. I had also come across 4 other dating websites in his deleted items so checked these as well, and each profile was identical, literally, it was the same layout, font, picture, no details. Each site seemed to be linked to one, the same site with different names kind of thing.

I simply logged out of everything, switched t'husbands Xoom off and went to bed. I didn't approach him as I felt I needed time to digest things, plus it was nearly midnight and I knew he had a 2 and a half hour drive in the morning for work. I must admit though I didn't sleep much over night and keep playing it over in my head. The next morning he knew something was up and thought I still didn't feel well, so I didn't correct him. The same in the evening. I still didn't approach this with him, he didn't even use his Xoom which actually went dead during Sunday night after I had used it as I heard it bloody beeping for half the night. I think I was too scared to approach him, I knew I had to but needed courage as I was petrified of what I might hear.

On Tuesday night he got in from work, asked the kids to stay in the lounge and shut the kitchen door and said to me 'out with it, something is bothering you, what is it?' so I told him, I asked him if he was bored and lonely, if he was having an affair. I was greeted not by stunned silence, not by anger but laughter and a 'are you really serious?'. I then explained all.

Guess what there was an explanation and maybe deep down I knew there was as I hadn't gone charging in with accusations. He plugged his Xoom in, got up his email and went straight to his sent items and showed me emails dating back to March at first asking to be unsubscribe, then emails to administrators asking how he had been registered, emails to facebook admin saying he thought his account had been hacked as he had been subscribed to loads of different websites without his knowledge and responses. I never even thought about checking his email sent items. He then also showed me his junk mail, and there were 100's of these messages in there, all marked phisming spam. I have since been on the Internet and googled these websites and apparently when you subscribe to certian things, they get your details and then send through junk mail. there were loads of complaints online, and questions asking what could be done about it. I guess in hind sight it was probably a bit odd he had no profile details, and no activity on the actual site and the majority of messages were dleted unread from his inbox. I then made him check his facebook and the arse had all his folders and photo albums set to public rather than friends only, so he has now changed that.

I am so relieved, he has never given me any cause to think he would not be faithful to me, and he is right when he says he has no time, and he never goes out, so it would have to be a virtual relationship if he had any. I guess the suspicious among you would not buy his explanations but I could see the emails he had sent, the complaints and they were all dated so its not like he is making that bit up, and they plainly say I have never subscribed to these sites, please take me off your mailing list etc.

Now I feel a tit for losing 2 nights good sleep and 2 days work as I couldn't concentrate on anything but that, but I think it was with reason.

Thank god all is OK now x

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