Sunday, 8 April 2012

A-Z Challenge F is for........

Family and Friends.

My family are the most important people to me in the world. I am fortunate to be very close to my brother and my mum and dad. I always have been. I have been brought up in what would be termed a nuclear family I.e. one where we are close to grandparents, cousins , aunts and uncles. We all look out for each other. I saw both sets of Grandparents weekly when growing up. When at University I would drive home and come off the motorway near my Grandma's some 20 miles before my own home but I never failed to call in to have a quick cuppa. I know no matter what my family would always be there for me with open arms. This is how I want my boys to feel.

There is however the old saying you can choose your friends but not your family. My husband has never been close to his family. He was close to his paternal Grandparents but not his mum, dad or brother. He never had much respect for his Dad as he always felt his Dad was very downtrodden by his mum and never did anything about it. In his last year of life though his Dad moved to Spain and we have since learnt seemed to have a very different existence.

His relationship with his mum blows hot and cold. She does live about 2 hours from us but she never visits, our visits must fit in with her. When our Little Man was born 9 and a half weeks early it took his parents 3 weeks to visit despite Little Man being in ICU for 10 days because his mum didn't want to take time off from Sainsburys. T'hubby has never forgiven them for that. In recent years their relationship has improved.

A few months after Little Man was born, my father in law tragically died in a car accident. Since his death we have discovered he was very proud of his son going to university, his first grandchild and when living in Spain alone led a very different and happy life. Anyhow t'hubby & his mother have in more recent years been building bridges. They have their blips but on the whole relationships are much improved. She likes to give the boys money, and the older the boys get when we do see her the better they get on. Anyhow he apparently fell out with her - again the other day, t'hubby telling her to stick her money & not to bother contacting him again. He feels she is too absent from the boys life and only rings to tell us about her, never speaks to the boys or asks after them. She rang the other year on Little Man's bday and talked to me for ages and it was only when she said bye & I asked if she wanted to speak to him did she remember. Nethertheless I am not sure I agree with falling out with her to this extent. She is his mother at the end of the day, the boys nan. Family is family. But what can I say? When hubby asked me not to talk to her if she rang I did refuse, I said it was his beef not mine. I don't want to be part of a family feud.

As for friends, well they are just as important to me and infact the very close ones I consider as family. Friend are always there for you. True friends tell you the truth even if they know it will hurt. True friends can just pick up with each other where they left off even if they don't see each other or speak for month or even years. Over the last few years I have been guilty of not making enough time for my friends, not ringing enough or writing or seeing and I want to change that. This afternoon I had a lovely time or rather we had a lovely time at one of my oldest friends house, 8 adults, 9 kids and it was so relaxed and nice. I have known S since we met at play group as 3 year olds. Friends are so important and I think I sometimes forget that.

1 comment:

Francene Stanley said...

How lucky you are to have close friends and family. Sure, we can choose friends, but we're blessed with relatives. Because we're stuck with them, it's up to us to try to understand them. One of life's challenges. Good luck with your April challenge.