K is for KNACKERED!!
For the last 4 or 5 weeks I have been truly exhausted.
In 2 days I am running a half marathon. Actually let me rephrase that more realistically - I am 'meant' to be running a half marathon. In reality I am attempting a half marathon and am under no illusion it will be walked, run and crawled in order to complete it.
I set about my training months ago - October I think and did really well. I am not a runner, never have been and I literally started by trying to run to the end of my road and each run made myself run 1 lamp post further. it worked and I got up to being able to run 4 miles comfortably without stopping/walking and I was amazed at myself.
I then started trying to build on my 4 miles. At 5 miles I did something to my knee and it was not pleasant so 3 weeks passed of resting. I then tried to get back into it, got back to 4 miles comfortably and got a cold, still I tried. I reached 6 miles but on this 6 miles run, within 500 yards of setting off my stupid dog tripped me over and I fell flat on my face, really hurting not only my knee and hip but also my pride. I made myself carry on but I really pushed myself to reach that 6 miles. It was a proper struggle.
Since then, I have hit a huge barrier. Not only have I been run off my feet with work, I have had another cold, a sinus infection and now have swollen glands and am exhausted or as my blog title says Knackered.
I think I have overdone things. I am constantly trying to keep on top of my work which as a freelancer I have no choice in so often work very early in the morning before everyone else is up for a couple of hours or late into the night. I have also done a fair amount of travelling and running about. Put training on top of that and a lot of personal stress and feeling very low into the mix and I have overdone things and my body is in shut down mode.
As a teenager I was pretty ill with ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/yuppie flu whatever you want to call it. It went on for 5 years. At its worse I didn't even have the energy to get from my bedroom to the bathroom on foot and use to crawl, my Dad use to have to carry me up the stairs, eating was an effort. I was one of the very lucky ones and came through it.
I am now so exhausted that I am petrified it is coming back. I need to take a step back and take things easy but if I don't do the half marathon I think I will feel I am giving into myself. In my mind by even attempting it I am sticking the 2 fingers up at feeling ill and not letting it beat me. I need to sort my head out and get into a better place emotionally and I need to catch up on sleep. I also need to get a handle on work and stop wasting my days away feeling low and sorry for myself then panic working until the wee hours or getting up at 4.30am.
I know what I need to do but it is actually doing it that seems to be the problem!
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