Yearning
Definition : an intense or overpowering longing, desire, or need; craving
Its there, I yearn for another child, a baby to hold, enjoy, nourish and watch grow.
My youngest is 5 and he is no longer a baby.
I have had what they call empty cot syndrome since, well, since he grew out of it!
I miss that complete trust in you, that dependance on you. Nothing can beat the way they lie and look at you while they feed, the smell and the warmth of a baby.
Despite having suffered bad post natal depression following my 2nd son, I would still do it again. It is so worth it.
Despite have had 2 premature babies and pregnancies that were not really as I had expected, I would still do it again.
I yearn for the labour I feel cheated out of.
I yearn to hold a new born baby within minutes of birth.
I yearn to get big and fat, and waddle about.
I yearn to have the chance to take my baby home when I leave the hospital.
Feeling like this makes me wonder how all the wonderful couples out there who are fighting for the chance to have their first babies and are going through the horrendous ordeal of IVF and infertility cope, for them it must be so much worse and that thought grounds me, makes me realise I am greedy and I should be thankful for the 2 I have. And I am, truely thankful.
It was not meant to be.
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